Sorry if this isn’t allowed. I don’t know where else to get this off my chest.
I am so lost with my life. I’m disabled, but not disabled enough (not that the disability system isn’t terrible anyway). I was too sick to get a car or too poor to take drivers training in high school because of capitalism and the cycle of poverty. I tried to break it by going to school and now I’m in debt and I have two more years to go. I was groomed and told not to work while I was in school but broke up with my ex to try to break abusive cycles. And all of this all of the work I have tried to put in amounts to nothing.
Got my first job only to get less than twenty hours a week even tho in my interview I asked for full time. Don’t qualify for food stamps cuz I’m not working enough hours even though I’m on the verge of being homeless if I didn’t have school. Trying to learn driving all on my own. I literally feel like a failure I’m slipping through all the cracks of life and I’m trapped and lost and I’m only 23 and I know that even if I break the cycle it’s just a continued lifetime of killing myself to prove I deserve to be alive.
My case worker won’t even get back to me about whether I can get glasses that I need to drive and work anyway or dental work for the first time since I aged out of the system.
The idea of facing fifty more years at best of this and all my work being for nothing makes me want to take my own life. I haven’t because of everything that I’ve been trying to do. But I truly genuinely feel like a failure and I cannot stomach the idea of living a life of misery until my eventual miserable death anyway. I know this is jumbled and reads terribly but I just got off the phone with my DHS worker.
TLDR: I am slipping through all the cracks of our system and I honestly feel like I can’t take it anymore.