I haven't kept a job for more than a year in years– and I've never kept a full time job for longer than a year. I went into the law field thinking I loved it– I'm even working in an area of law I thought I'd love. But I just can't take working for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I can't take the expectations that are put on me– and they're not even unreasonable. It's just that they require actually working for those 8 hours.
I wanted my career to help people but I feel like I'm not doing anything more than glorified data entry. I want to go into policy work now, but I'm not even confident that I'll feel better in that role, and I'm worried it won't pay enough for me to survive. I'm concerned that this isn't even “burnout” but rather just how working affects me. I've never NOT felt this, no matter what job I had. The longer I work and the more jobs that I have, the more I feel that nothing will ever get better and I'm doomed to living for those 2/7ths of the week that I actually feel like I'm alive.
I have some mental health issues that are all being treated, they're as much better as I think they'll ever get without a fundamental change to 5 of my 7 days that isn't possible. I don't feel “suicidal” per se because I really feel truly happy on weekends and breaks when I'm able to take my mind off work, but I'd be lying if I said those thoughts don't creep in from Sunday night to Friday afternoon. I've tried so many therapists and psychiatrists. Disability will never pay me what I need to survive even if I can get it. I don't know what to do.