- 1. Don’t do more. Don’t do less. Only do what is literally required. Never go beyond the scope of your specific job. You aren’t being paid to do more, so never do more than you are required to do. Never say more than you have to. If you’re questioned about this, use the following responses: “I'm just doing my job.” “I'm just doing what I'm told.” “Nobody told me to do anything else.”
- 2. If a task typically takes two hours or is expected to take two hours to complete, and you can do it in one hour, don’t tell anyone you did it in half the time. Make it look like it took two hours and tell people (only if they ask) that it took two hours.
- 3. Don’t volunteer to do anything extra unless you are truly willing to do it. If you do anything extra, always demand overtime pay if it is legally applicable. Always thoroughly document anything extra you do, which can benefit you later.
- 4. During non-working time (before/after working hours, weekends, time off, holidays, lunch, break, etc.), have zero contact and communication with work. Never respond to emails, texts, calls, or any other communication. If your time off/vacation is already approved, don’t remind anyone when you will be out. If it’s already approved, they can look it up themselves. Unless it’s literally required (in the employee handbook or other similar document), don’t set an out-of-office notice. During your lunch or break, if you can physically leave work, do it. They can’t get you to do something if they can’t see or contact you. If you’re questioned about this, use the following responses: “I didn't hear/see the call/email/text.” “I didn't have my phone/computer with me.” “I was outside going for a walk/doing yard work.” “I was exercising/meditating.” “My spouse/partner/roommate mistakenly took my phone.” “I was driving/traveling/out of town.”
- 5. Take full advantage of any and all benefits provided by the employer, but don’t become dependent on them. Budget responsibly, live within (not above) your means, and save as much money as possible.
- 6. Unless it is legally required, give no notice when you resign. Make sure to take full advantage of all your benefits and paid time off before you resign.
- 7. Don’t improve anything at work. Only do what is literally required of your job – nothing more, nothing less. If something is broken, don’t fix it. If something is wrong, don’t correct it. If something is inefficient, don’t optimize it. The only caveat to this is if it is something related to human health and safety. If something gets in the way of you doing your job, stop immediately. Then, ask your supervisor/manager to fix it before doing that task. It is your supervisor’s/manager’s responsibility (not yours) to make sure you have the correct tools, information, and other resources to do your job. Only go back to doing that task when the problem has been resolved to your satisfaction.
- 8. Thoroughly document anything your bosses and/or colleagues do that is wrong: harassment, illegal work practices, discrimination, hostile work environment, racism, sexism, crude jokes, talking negatively about other colleagues or customers, and any other illegal or unethical activities. You can use this against them if you ever need to.
- 9. Always openly discuss wages, compensation, benefits, and work condition improvements with your colleagues. Never let management or any other upper-level person say you can’t do that. If they do, thoroughly document it and save it because it could be illegal and grounds for a lawsuit if they tell you that.
- 10. Learn the employment laws and regulations that apply to your job. Make sure your employer does not violate them. If they do, thoroughly document it and take appropriate action. Never go to Human Resources or management about it. Take your complaint and documented evidence to an appropriate governmental agency or legal third party. If the governmental agency/third party or employer doesn’t fix it, go to the media, and fully explain the situation.
- 11. Never trust Human Resources – ever. Human Resources never will be on your side. Human Resources exists only to serve and protect the employer – not you. Interact with Human Resources as little as possible and only when absolutely required. Give Human Resources as little information as possible to accomplish whatever you need to get done with them. They don’t need to know anything about your personal life. As much as someone from Human Resources tries to be friendly, open, and sociable, never let your guard down with them. They will try to trick you. Never confide in Human Resources or give them any information they don’t need. Treat them like strangers.
- 12. Always ask for a raise that is more than you need. You can always negotiate down, but it’s near impossible to negotiate up. The same goes for improvements to benefits and other work conditions.
- 13. Always be on the lookout for a better job opportunity. Never have loyalty to your employer. Your employer has no loyalty to you. Keep your resume, work portfolio, and references updated. Use competing job offers to your advantage to get more money, better benefits, or other work condition improvements.
- 14. Never tell your bosses or upper-level people more than you have to. Never trust them with personal information. Never confide in them. They don’t need to know your feelings, opinions, beliefs, or thoughts on literally anything. Be boringly neutral. It’s perfectly acceptable to say you don’t have an opinion or stance on something. They don’t need to know anything about your personal life, so keep it private. Keep your work life and personal life as separate as possible. The less your employer knows about your personal life the better. Think of your employer as the police: anything you say will be used against you, so don’t say anything you don’t have to.
- 15. Carefully read your employee handbook or similar document. Follow all required rules and regulations. Never give your employer any reason to criticize you or accuse you of doing something wrong. Work literally by the book, but not beyond the book.
- Bonus: Do all of the above with politeness, class, and respect. Be kind, but firm. Don’t give them a reason to vilify you, but do stand up for yourself in a calm and confident manner.