Preface: I had a reduction in work hours+I’m trying to pivot careers and just found out that my insurance and HSA were unceremoniously cut off without warning. I started writing this as a response to my shrink asking if I wanted to do a probono session with her. Interestingly the below link was posted as I was writing my rant. That post does not make me feel any less miserable but there is some comfort that we are all miserable.
Honestly I give up. I’m just quitting everything. What’s the fucking point? I’ll be forty. Probably in more debt, not making a living wage and still living in my childhood room.
Having whatever rug unceremoniously ripped out from under me and causing me to have to start shit allll over again.
I spent over five hours on the phone trying to figure shit out with my insurance/eligibility and all I got out of it is if my HSA company finds out/decides I wasn’t eligible then I’ll get a bill from them for nearly 10 grand for what they’ve paid out for so far this year.
I spent nearly an hour trying to prove I’m poor enough for OHP and fucking food stamps. I didn’t even adequately convince her on the food stamps and it’s pending my next paystub.
It looks like I may end up getting OHP, but who fucking knows. I’m sure I’ll still get fucked soon enough on that too.
And they still STILL go off gross income. Fun fact I learned in this hour long trek through half a year of paystubs, that when I let them convert my tax withholding back from exempt they maxed out the withholdings and have been taking now almost 50%+ on some checks. Since we don’t have that easy of access to paystubs I just now found out.
But I fucking quit, I’ve been working since I was sixteen, I’ve been busting my ass and fucking trying for the past five years in multiple areas of my life and I have absolutely nothing to show for it.
I can’t even afford a tank of gas, let alone the monthly bill for fucking generic Rx’s, there is no point anymore, there is literally no point in making anything beyond the most basic of efforts.
I give up. This isn’t me being suicidal or making any plans, I’m just done. I am done with trying, I am done with effort, I’m done pretending or hoping anything will meaningfully improve in the dumpster fire that is my life and this world/country.
There is literally no point in pretending/trying/hoping anymore.
I’m professionally single, the dating pool here is suicide inducing. I gave up several years ago and periodically poke around if I get horny/desperate enough.
I have no friends or family(save my albeit close but dysfunctional relationship with my father.) Absolutely no meaningful relationships of any kind and that has been the case for my entire life, save a few short lived friendship and a single LTR, that helped to steal and make my 20s as bleak and miserable as they were.