For a long time, I have had an issue with a manager at work. Sadly, not only is he the boss’ boyfriend but said boss is also my aunt.
He has been in my life since age 7 and he always treated me like a spoiled, poorly raised child. As a kid, he would call me names and if I stood up for myself, he would call me a rude child without respect and has treated my mum and nan outrageously in similar ways.
Today, after many complaints to HR, she pulled us in for a “mediation”. This was him claiming he didn’t say things when he did. Example: The toilet seat at work broke and he said to me and the other woman in my office “You fatarses shouldn’t jump on it, you sit on it.” When said to HR, he first denied saying fatarse and said nothing else in the rest of that called me or anyone else fat then accepted he may have said it but it wasn’t directed at me so I had no reason to get offended. He sat there saying everything I said was bullshit and was all “She can’t take a joke! She needs to improve on that.” Then when pulled on making fun of the dyslexia of a labourer (Property maintenance firm), he moaned “Oh, I can’t joke with the staff now?” HR told him there was a line but he threw a paddy.
He yelled about no one knowing how to work the scanner and when pulled on that said “I did not raise my voice.” When I repeated that he did he said “I am 50 years old and I am telling you, I did not yell.”I simply said “I don’t care how old you are. I heard you.” I had messaged a colleague saying he had yelled at me at me and she had shown him the message.
He had the nerve to say “This isn’t the playground. She is in work now and she can’t go through life being so sensitive.”
He heard me saying stuff and butted in with “More bullshit? I have been in this job far too long to be accused of shit I did not do! I could sit here and say how she is rude and bolshy to the new hires. (I run the inductions of new hires) She stood over one for two hours and did no work. I spoke to him and he nearly put a complaint in. She’s lucky he didn’t.” HR pointed out this may have been when I first started doing them and was inexperienced and he got grumpy. She warned him that may knock my confidence and he said it should motivate me instead.
Complained that I’m rude by not saying good morning to him and creating an atmosphere in the office but I just don’t want to speak to him. He said I was rude when I said he was a manager not my direct manager when he got all superior one me once after I jokingly called him an idiot.
He had a stroke 8 years ago and was all “Part of my brain was damaged so sometimes things come out in a way different to what I wanted” but tjen said that my autism was not an excuse to not say good morning as his best friend’s son is autisic and still managed to say hello and speak to him.
HR then had us say 3 things we wanted the other person to do to “improve the working relationship” He said 1. Actually speak to people and maybe I will be more part of the team. 2. Come out of my shell 3. Learn to take a joke
I only came up with two 1. Know where the line is and 2. Be more professional as a manager. HR left 3 blank and said if I think of a third one then let her know . We are due to “regroup” in a month to see how things are going.
I walked away from that meeting knowing I could do all that stuff to the letter and he would still find an excuse to behave like Schrodinger’s douchebag.
Current status: Searching for a new job