For the past three and a half years since graduating from college I was a news producer. It was stressful for a multitude of reasons, (some political) but that comes with the territory of working in live news. During my first year at the company our team went through major changes that caused me a lot of anxiety. I had also begun seeing a colleague of mine (used to work at my network but moved on to another place) who turned out to be majorly abusive and openly cheated on me in front of my other former colleagues (who said nothing). So I have a lot of personal trauma tied to the network, even though it's not the company's fault.
By the end of 2019, we were in and out of a toxic relationship and I finally kicked him out. My substance use decreased for a while and I felt like a new person. I got into a new healthier relationship and things were great until COVID hit. My job got all the more stressful (as one can imagine) and my girlfriend and I had to do long-distance while she quarantined with family. I was frantically looking for other work but no places were hiring and I have a lot of competition for my city and my industry. The only upside was that our COVID rotation had half of us work one week, while the other half worked the following week, so I had every other week off. It was during that time period that I realized how much working a 9-5 stole from my life, and how 8 hour days 5 days a week is not sustainable for a rich life. With COVID, going to the office in downtown DC during the insurrection aftermath & during the uprisings where there were helicopters and military tanks and scary men with large guns occupying every street corner and most recently the war in Ukraine has made everyday emotionally turbulent and actually put me in situations where my physical safety was threatened. I've wanted to quit and take a break for so long, but I felt torn. I needed health insurance (especially after breaking my arm and getting surgery last year), financial means and I really loved and cared about the work that I did there and the people on my team.
I'm not going to go into details, but the entire staff was laid off last week. We have two months severance so I'm basically alright until May when shit gets real. When our boss told us we were suspending operations, I cried.. but not because I was particularly sad (although I felt disappointed that our network was gone) but more so a cathartic release. All of the trauma that I have from that period of my life seemed to be bubbling up. I don't cry very often, and especially not in front of other people, so this was a huge deal for me. I mostly felt relief, and even though it's only been a week I've seen major improvements in my life.
I'm planning on visiting my brother in Colorado, who I haven't seen in two years and haven't been able to visit because of not having enough PTO. I've been catching up on sleep and exercising & doing yoga so I feel a lot healthier and my head has never been more clear. I started addiction counseling for my alcohol use and drug abuse problems and I'm already seeing my binge-drinking start to subside. I have a lot more time for my hobbies that I had to abandon when our office went back to full time after we all got vaccinated and I'm even considering moving to Los Angeles. I even got a library card for the first time in the nearly 8 years that I've lived in DC! The possibilities seem endless but I'm so thankful that I can take a break to enjoy life again. I didn't realize how much the 9-5 affected my physical and emotional wellbeing. Although I'm anxious about how I'm going to pay rent, I feel less anxious than when I actually had a job.