Feeling kinda like I’ve reached my limit, couldn’t pull it together to go in to work today, the reasons? I didn’t want to fucking work.
Like that old poster about waking up at six am to force feed yourself to fight traffic ( I walk an hour in ) etc etc etc
I wasn’t hungry, but new I would be, and I can’t eat another on and j sandwich. It’s six in the morning Fuck
So instead of enjoying my day off (which is also gonna cost me my stat daub) I sat around all day (and I hate to say this but I desperately need to because any other time I try to talk about it I add a nervous laugh to lighten the mood ( I don’t talk about it anymore )) contemplating suicide,beating myself up and feeling like an absolute POS for not pulling through for my family.
I know I can work harder I know I can go in every day, I know what type of work ethic I have. I have a strong back and the capacity to produce enough labour to not only take good care of my family, but also contribute to providing for other less abled families and or individuals as well…. But my boss needs his silver spoon
I’m just fucking tired, I live in a shitty apartment run by shitty landlords charging more then most mortgages.
And here I am staying up cause I know when I fall asleep I’ll wake up and have to go to work…. I like my job… what the fuck
Sry if that was out there but I’m fucking depressed af and can’t get out of my head and nobody has any fucking clue…. Cause like I’m not depressed.. I’m angry, I’m powerless, I feel backed into a corner and I just want some fucking control over my life, any control whatsoever.
Fuck this shit