I am a boss of a medium sized department in a large organisation. I try my best to look out for my team members. I allow them to WFH. I encourage them to work flexi-hours to beat rush hour traffic. I buy them lunches. I never yell at them. When giving feedback on their work, I do it in private. I got four of them promoted last year (this involved a lot of lobbying with global), and for the rest I managed to get most above-average bonuses. I encourage them to go for training courses and seminars to upskill and stay up to date with industry developments. I don't micromanage. I try to buy cakes and sweets for a team tea-break every fortnight. I praise regularly. I listen to their feedback and suggestions, and act on them when feasible. I shield them from unhappy bigger bosses further up the food chain. I never throw them under the bus. Whatever information I get from global, I try to share with the team asap. I don't hoard anything.
Despite all of this, I've inadvertently overheard some members of the team (including those that got promoted) bad-mouthing me. They say they don't enjoy eating lunch with me, that I am ambitious and self-serving, that I should stop trying to encourage bonding activities which are “cringe”.
To be clear, I never forced anyone to do anything. After having accidentally heard the foregoing, I am going to stop eating lunch with the team (I only join them once or twice a week now; going forward it will be zero), and will stop buying cakes/sweets/snacks (there is a pantry with Mars bars and M&Ms and potato chips etc. which I keep stocked up for the team with my own money; I will stop). Is there anything else I can do to not be disappointed further? I am sick of being unappreciated and taken for granted.