Male here. I work in a big city public school system and have been for over a decade. Overtime, we have been encouraged to be relatable to our students and working in a very diverse and liberal community, I always make sure to keep up with people’s backgrounds and by being relatable to their interests. In my school, we also have upperclassmen that can work as interns and TAs for community service. There was one high school senior TA that was very engaged in his job that worked for one of my classes. We had a lot in common and engaged in a lot of small talk, worked well as a team with the students. As an ally of all races, religions, and orientations, and knowing that this student was LGBT, of course we talked about shows and movies with queer characters and the like. We also talked about anime a lot and even wanted to have an anime watch party with people in the school community, which was a success. Our communication was strictly done through in the classroom, in our school email, and in our school server chat. Most things were about work, but we also discussed shared interests on there. I never give my personal phone number, personal email, or social media to any student until a bit of time after they graduate if they request it. Any kind of physical touching that took place was either fist bumps, high fives, and consensual quick hugs 2-3 instances. At one point in March, one of his friends wanted to TA as well and I allowed it, but didn’t have her do as much because she wasn’t as well versed in the content, but had her do other tasks.
Cut to April of last school year. My TA sends me an email telling me he is very busy with senior work and college stuff that he won’t have time to continue working with me. I told him not a problem and to stop by my room at the start of the class for a couple of minutes to go over exit logistics, and I mentioned this to our school programmer, too. The TA asked if it could be done over email instead. Didn’t think much of it. Coincidentally, the other TA also stopped working for me and pretty much disappeared for a bit. Within the next few days, whenever I’d run into my initial TA in the hall, he acted kind of distant and didn’t know that the other TA left as well. I spoke to the new TA and she said she is just stressed with college and did not know my initial TA also left, yet both were very good friends.
About a week later, I get approached by the initial TA’s father on the street making claims that I have a fixation on his son, and that I’m too friendly and communicating via inappropriate means outside of school. When I tried to make it clear the communication was all done in our school server that my principal could see if he wanted to, the father dismissed that and claimed that I’m stalking him and grooming him, and that he and his friends are trying to prove to the principal that I’m some kind of monster. I was shocked as I was never aware that there was a problem to begin with. The father called me out on talking about my dating life, and all I said to the TA when he asked about my weekend was that I was supposed to go on a date with someone and they canceled, so I saw friends. That was it.
The father said he wished his son would’ve told me there was a problem to begin with, but enabled the son to lie about why he didn’t want to TA anymore, and again, I’m wondering what I may have inadvertently done or said that triggered something, especially when I ran into the father a week before and he said that his son likes TAing for me. The father wasn’t hostile, just very to the point and said that his son and friends spoke to the principal about it and that he would call the principal and say going forward this won’t be a problem, and I’m thinking to myself “Yea, if this is the case, im avoiding him like the plague.”
Immediately after the father left, I went back into the school to try to talk to my principal and he was like “What? I don’t have time to talk about this right now.” I tried to insist it’s serious and wouldn’t give me a couple of minutes to talk. I then told everything to my union rep at school. Showed him the digital communication between myself and the TA, he agreed that although some things were casual, there was no indication of crossing the line. My union rep said not to talk to the principal about it without him going forward. Get a message from the principal later in the day telling me not to engage the student, and I said “got it.”
Next day, union rep and I were going to talk to our principal, but union rep was sick with COVID and called the principal instead. Principal was dismissive with him too but said there would likely be a formal meeting. It turned out the principal turned the statements/issue in to the city school investigation system before the father approached me on the street. I understandably panicked and was waiting to find out if there was gonna be any follow up. Weeks go by and nothing, and I have been avoiding the TA. Then I get home and suddenly my principal sends me a letter from the investigation office telling me to report to another building the next day and that I’ve been reassigned. Being reassigned pretty much means you’re accused of doing something really messed up. I get that it’s protocol, but I was pissed that I gotta have my livelihood on the line like this because 1) an 18 year old Ivy League college bound senior can’t approach a teacher about a problem, and 2) a boss can’t approach his employee about an issue that easily could have been dealt with within a day or two.
Being reassigned by the city school system is a process that can take several weeks, months, or years until the issue is resolved. I’m not allowed to enter any school in the city, or contact students/parents at my school, although I can communicate with colleagues. I was getting emails from concerned parents and students and it felt so sad that I couldn’t message them back. My principal also texted me asking to send any lessons because he couldn’t find a teacher to replace me in the last few weeks. I showed him the letter that said I couldn’t do any pedagogical work for the school. He ended up having to cancel my classes.
At the end of May, I was placed in a room in a building with other people also pending investigations/charges for long periods of time doing nothing. I spoke to someone who works on another floor and she was able to hook me up and have me reassigned to an office where I can do clerical work and work with special Ed students/parents. I still haven’t been contacted by any investigator about what the specific accusations are (only can get an idea based on what the father told me), and it’s been over three months. I tried to see what the Union can find out, but they said they can’t do anything until an investigator wants to speak to me and then the union will provide representation. It’s a very slow bureaucratic system that wants to shoot the teacher first before asking questions and makes the teacher the very last person to be questioned. Still don’t know if I’m getting charged or the like, and it makes me feel uneasy to this day. EDIT- had to add more in the comments due to too many characters.