I have a severe anxiety disorder and I do not know how to make an income that I can survive or thrive on, even without having kids. I never went to college because I have anxiety about debt, and I have yet to find a career I would want that requires a college education. Becoming a doctor? Out of the question, I do not want to have PTSD from witnessing the death of a patient. Becoming a teacher? I have anxiety public speaking and anxiety on school shootings and I’m not great with kids. Becoming an engineer? I’m afraid I’d be harassed or looked down upon for being a woman or somehow hurt on the job. Trade school? Most trades are also geared towards men except for hair or cosmetology, which I would suck at.
Since I’ve turned seventeen I’ve been mainly working full time at fast food restaurants and warehouse jobs. Yes even these jobs give me anxiety. By some miracle I now have a job that pays $20 an hour but it is essentially the same tiring and mundane warehouse bullshit. Anytime I even mildly complain about aching or being in pain there is somehow always an older person around to say “just wait until you’re older! Haha”.
My boyfriend, who is my age and a wonderful man, is extremely blackpilled (or perhaps just realistic). He doesn’t want a 401k because he doesn’t believe either of us will ever be able to retire. We both try to save money but with car troubles and rent increasing, we haven’t been able to save much. We don’t want kids solely because we both think we would ever be able to afford them. We also don’t want kids because we know they would grow up to be in the same situation as us as far as career and money goes, but probably much worse. We both hate the fact that virtually whatever company or place we could work for at this point is some sort of unethical monopoly, whether you have a degree or not. Starting our own business is pretty much out of the question because of the economy.
As a teenager my parents would say things such as “enjoy your summers now, you’ll be working every day for the rest of your life!” or “being in high school and college was the best time of my life”. I am bitter towards them for making me feel this way at such a young age, because it’s somewhat permanently in my mind that I will ultimately one day have no hope and nothing to live for. And as far as work goes, I am getting there very quickly.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal anymore. I have great friends and I have things to look forward to and I am still in relatively good health. But I can’t get over my anxiety about having money and having a comfortable career, and I am becoming burnt out very fast. I think this applies to almost everyone currently in their twenties. This is mostly just a rant to a sub that I think understands where I am coming from, but I am open to any and all advice.