This is just a vent. I need to get it off my chest. I was told to post here by others from another post of mine so if this isn't allowed or okay, please tell me.
I was thrown into single parenthood a little over a month ago. My husband just had a mid-life crisis and decided he couldn't hack it. Despite being married for 7 years, raising his daughter as my own and treating her as if I birthed her myself, our two kids together, me being a SAHM since our eldest was born, etc. He called me damaged goods, said no one would ever love me with all of my baggage, and just decided to fall off the face of the earth. He changed his number, has blocked me on all social media and when I have reached out to his brother or any of his friends, I've gotten zero response.
I'm only 25. I've worked one meager retail job before we had our first child. My husband gave me an allowance every week to buy groceries or pay bills or get whatever the kids needed. I'd stash a few bucks away, here or there, but it didn't amount to much. When he decided he didn't want to hack it as a father anymore, I had a little over 2 grand saved up. But, he was definitely the breadwinner…and it all being on my shoulders for the past month means that money is gone.
I've done everything I can think of. I've applied for government assistance, but that phone interview isn't until next Friday, the 24th. There's one local food bank that I know of that's every other Wednesday so I plan on going there next Wednesday as well. I was under the impression that once I start to receive government benefits from the state, my state would go after him for child support, but I was apparently wrong in that. I decided today I'd try and find a lawyer and no one would take my case without a retainer (granted, I only called 3 because I have a 5 year old and an 18 month old so it was hard to make those calls) and I didn't have $1500-3500 on hand. I plan on asking my case worker next Friday if she knows of any legal aid resources because I'm so lost.
Then you have my step-daughter's mother. My soon to be ex husband apparently paid her $900 a month in child support when he got paid on the 1st of every month. She's remarried, they want a baby, etc. She had the audacity to ask me if I could pay her that child support payment he skipped out on. (There was no formal custody agreement between them. No courts were involved. He just gave her that money and we got her every other weekend type deal). I haven't seen my step-daughter since he walked out. My 5 year old misses her big sister, and her dad. When I told my soon to be ex husband's ex wife no, she went ballistic. Called me names. Told me she could see why he left me. How she and her new partner are struggling and need that child support money to make sure their rent is paid (when they both work). How my step-daughter is going to suffer because of my selfishness. Like I'm not struggling now either.
Today I just broke down again. I didn't want this for myself, or my kids. My 5 year old is/was such a daddy's girl and every night she cries for him at bedtime. I'm skipping meals to make sure my kids have enough to eat just to make sure we can stretch our food out until I can go to the food pantry or we get approved for SNAP/WIC.
I posted on a different sub, and got flooded with mean, nasty, hateful messages. How could I be so stupid to rely on a man, why didn't I use common sense, I should teach my daughter's better, etc. I was told my kids were screwed by having me as a single parent. And then people were suggesting donating plasma, getting a part time job, etc. How can I do that? My soon to be ex husband's parents are dead; mine are estranged and never met either of my kids. I don't have any type of childcare. It's just me, and my girls trying to survive. I always wait until my 5 year old is passed out before I start fully breaking down but today, it just got me all over again.
My kids deserve better. I deserve better. I have my soon to be ex's ex harassing me, calling me selfish because she needs money I don't have. My 5 year old had to spend her birthday alone because her dad walked and it was his job to set everything up. I'm glad they're not too picky because we've been surviving off boxed mac n cheese and frozen chicken nuggets with some frozen broccoli or a can of green beans thrown in there. I've lost close to 10 pounds from the stress alone of how I'm going to figure this all out. I feel like I'm truly up a creek without a paddle.