I work in a white collar firm in a corporate position and im so sick and tired of it. The people I work with are good but the work itself is meaningless. Nothing I do really matters. Its just shit that people have made up to help fuel a capitalist society. I didn't realise until I took a day off and realised if my work doesn't get done, its not the best thing to happen but its not like the world is going to end. Its not really THAT important.
Im not passionate or excited about my work. I dont like talking about it outside of work. People in my life don't really know what i do because I don't talk about it. When I go to work, I go there for one reason only – to make money, regardless of the made up reasons I say to management.
When I go to work I turn into someone else. I suppress everything I am as a person and go on autopilot to get through the day. It sucks. Life shouldn't have to be like this. I feel stuck.
I wish i could do something i was truly passionate about. I love drawing and art, if I could do that everyday I would be happy but sadly art is a long dark road that doesn't pay the bills. I have a mortgage to pay and I would feel so bad putting all that onto my partner.
I really don't know what to do. I've thought about ending it so many times. If this is what my life will be like until I hit retirement then I dont want to do it.