I just realised something about me, while trying to figure out my work life and my future. Don't know if it belongs here?
It's like whenever the expectation of work isn't there, and when I am free to decide what I want, I am more likely to want to work.
Here are some examples:
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when i worked at reception, after clock off time, if it was busy i would hang back a bit and enjoy it a lot more.
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I can procrastinate all day at my current job but as soon as it hits the time I could leave if I wanted to, i am suddenly motivated.
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I enjoy doing my own projects such as writing, art and political stuff but as soon as I think about monetising any of it, I feel suffocated and trapped and stop wanting to do it.
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i am at a work conference thing rn, I am not required to work and I can do whatever I want. But I feel like I will end up helping the person who is working anyway because I genuinely want to. When I think about getting paid for this, it makes me not want to do it.
I am confused because we are told that we should make our hobbies into jobs but i can't see that it would work or me. Its like attaching money to things makes me feel obligated and pressured in some way. But not only that maybe its the lack of freedom of choice?
Does anyone else feel the same?
Edit: FYI I only work 20-25 hrs a week! I can't handle full time at all.