I don't want to post this on my main so I'll stick to my side. I just wanna say I often find myself on this subreddit where I absolutely want to quit. I want my free time to get back to my hobbies like many others. I love to draw and write stories. I love reading horror stories and watching psychological thriller movies. I'd love to get into stop-motion, or pick up a open software video editing software for fun. I just love things that will stimulate my brain, but at work I find none of that.
My job requires a 1.5 hour long commute where I wake up at 6:30am and don't get home until 6:30pm. I sit at a desk all day in front of a computer. My job gives me no medical benefits, all I get at work is a bitchy co-worker who complains over the tiniest things and another who talks way too much (i ignore the rest to my maximum ability), plus I don't get paid for overtime. If I want to take a 30 minute lunch break I need to stay 30 minutes after work to make up time so there have been times I needed to leave exactly at 5 so I just starved all day. Also if a project takes after hours to finish I don't get a penny just a “good job taking initiative!” from the company. god I feel I'm wasting away here. My eyesight it shit, my posture is trash, my mental health is in shambles. I don't have time before work to do anything and after work I'm trying not to fall asleep as soon as I eat dinner. I can't just find a job closer because what my degree specializes in has no jobs in my hometown.
In hindsight it's no wonder I hate this life, but I feel bad every time I think about it. I grew up poor, like I'm talking having to go to food drives with my mom and celebrating when the food stamps came in for the month so i saw first hand just how awful it is. So having a job where I'm paid far above my family and can finally give them the lives they deserve has been the greatest thing. But I'm so tired. I've worked towards this dream of finally living a better life since I was a kid, now that it's all in my grasp I realize how much I've given up for it. I have no life, my “friends” somehow are only ever available after I go to sleep, when I am doing anything I love it feels like I blink and it's already the end of the day. I'm on depression medicine but it doesn't get rid of this feeling of hating my job, just the headaches of frustration I got on a daily.
I dream of being the people on here who just say fuck it and quit to get a job with less hours. I want that so bad, but I feel so bad. Isn't this life what I always wanted? I feel I'm being unappreciative. I mean my boss is nice and gives me time off and has graciously given me a raise during this inflation. I should love this, but I can't seem to force myself to.