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Antiwork

I feel guilty (remove if doesn’t fit the sub)

So after my last job worked me to the bone for less than a living paycheck every week and being abused and discrimated against by management, I quit my job back early March. I planned on only being out a week or two before getting a new job but it's been a month now and the job search is killing me. I made the decision that I was going to have a higher standard, only apply for jobs that are above 12$/hr, had atleast 3 stars on indeed and weren't in the restaurant industry (also didnt drug text bc I smoke for chronic pain) because I was tired of being treated like garbage and wanted a work place that supported me as much as I supported it. My search has been fruitless and my fiancé who's been carrying us for the last month now didn't press me necessarily, but checked…


So after my last job worked me to the bone for less than a living paycheck every week and being abused and discrimated against by management, I quit my job back early March.
I planned on only being out a week or two before getting a new job but it's been a month now and the job search is killing me.
I made the decision that I was going to have a higher standard, only apply for jobs that are above 12$/hr, had atleast 3 stars on indeed and weren't in the restaurant industry (also didnt drug text bc I smoke for chronic pain) because I was tired of being treated like garbage and wanted a work place that supported me as much as I supported it.
My search has been fruitless and my fiancé who's been carrying us for the last month now didn't press me necessarily, but checked in asking how the job search was going and reminded that we are pinching pennies right now.
It was only then that the guilt really set in for me.
I feel like if I don't work then I'm lazy and free-loading off of my fiancé and just a waste of space.
However at the same time the physical and emotional trauma I endured at my previous two jobs has made me fear going back into the work force after a couple too many end of shift breakdowns in the parking lot on the phone with hotlines.
I feel like if I don't work then I'm worthless and inherently a bad person but I'd literally rather die than go back to working.
I know not every work place is bad and some managers are really chill people, but living in a small rural town in the deep south as a minority leaves me in a tight position and I always fear that my next potential work place will put me right back in the same position I was in before I quit.
The few good places I have applied to never got back to me after I sent in my application.
Does anyone have any tips on how to get back on your feet after leaving a bad workplace or atleast how to get over the guilt I'm feeling living in a country (U.S) that's culture values its people based on how hard they work and how many hours you can grind?

As the title suggests, remove this post if it doesn't belong!

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