TL:DR, I think I'm anti-work, and I don't know what to do.
Warning, this is me more or less trying to untangle my thoughts, so I apologize for the poor grammar/structure.
Background, I'm a 25-year-old with a part-time job, I live with my parents, and I suspect I struggle with mental disabilities/illnesses. I graduated in 2019 and started looking for a simple desk job to get the ball rolling on what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately, then the pandemic hit. Later that year, when I deemed it safe for me to work again, I looked for full-time work again. I sent out dozens, if not hundreds of applications, but I only heard back from a VERY few, if only to message me that they're no longer interested.
I tried for another year, basically doing everything I could to get a full-time job; I read books on how to find work, how to figure out your strengths, how to job hunt, etc. I also fine-tuned my resume for several jobs, as advised, to specifically stand out for each job. I did all this extra effort…for nothing. I got like two interviews, one was for a pyramid scheme, and another just went with someone else.
After all that, I've basically given up. No more resumes no more applications, no more even trying to think about what I can do besides my current job. Yet I'm content. And I hate it.
To the present, I work part-time as an assistant manager at a retail outlet. It's not lucrative, but the hours are decent, the pay is better than most retail positions (+$15 per hour), and I find the job within my abilities most of the time. Yet I don't think I want to do this for the rest of my life. Every time someone says what a good salesman I am, I feel bitter. Holidays are still hell, and now new coworkers are rubbing me the wrong way. Yet I don't want to leave.
I'm not sure why I feel physically unable to find full-time work or even a career. I suspect I suffer from executive dysfunction disorder, and/or am on the autism spectrum (never got diagnosed), and all my life, I have never liked change. Maybe that's why I don't want to leave. I have a job I don't hate, with my parents who put a roof over my head, food in my belly, and gas in my car. And I still make money to put into savings and do the occasional fun stuff, like shopping or going out to eat with the few friends I have.
The reason that this is all coming to a head now is last night, I was talking to my parents about how my friend sent me some job postings for a nearby hospital that looks to hire from the nearby college (where I graduated from). However, I'm so…frozen…that I haven't even looked at them. I also mention that if I got a job there, the commute would be awful, and the rent is atrocious where I live. One of my parents offered, 'well, you won't live here forever. Not that we're kicking you out, but we can help you find a place up there if you get a job.'. They even offered to help pay for it, but I don't want to. I feel like I shouldn't even be moving out until I've got a steady job. Besides, if I move out, my parents say they'll take over my office, which is a spare room that they let me decorate and where I spend most of my time. If I move out, it's permanent…like I'm losing the most prized safe space for myself. Not only that, but I'm still on my parents' health insurance, but I'll be kicked off it at 26, aka next year. Even though they've reassured me they won't let me starve on the streets and will keep paying my medical expenses, it feels like a tight pressure around my throat, yet I can't move to do anything about it.
I have no desire to change my situation. I think I'm afraid of growing up. And I hate it. And I think my parents secretly hate it too. What do I do? Where can I go? What can I say to make this feeling go away so I can be a productive adult?