I have today off & I just stopped by the grocery store I work at full time to buy a few things. As I was walking through my department a co-worker approached me and asked me to close (work 11:30-8) because one of my managers who was the one covering my day off called off. I told them no, I want my day off and apologized.
Two co-workers from other departments said I have nothing to feel bad about it, especially with how beautiful the weather is.
Regardless of logically understanding that there’s no reason to feel bad about saying no, I still feel really bad about it. It made my skin crawl and gave me bad anxiety for like 30 minutes before it began to go away. Still feel weird, but not as bad as a few minutes ago.
Thinking about the situation more, it is insane how I am conditioned to immediately feel guilty as sin for not wanting to work on the day off that I AM ENTITLED TO! It’s wild; simply saying no caused a powerful storm of negative emotions such as anxiety, self anger, and guilt accompanied by physical symptoms like restlessness, shaking, and mild nausea. This was the worst I’ve felt in a few months, maybe longer, simply for wanting a day off.
I just think it’s wild that after getting therapy which effectively removed my anxiety and panic disorder that after being 99% free of anxiety for 2-1/2 years, and being free of an anxiety or panic attack for 3 years; it was not wanting to go into work was what triggered the first anxiety attack I’ve had since that therapy.
The guilt is quite literally ingrained in me. Wow