Two days ago I(M27) started working an office job in the public sector. It's the first job I've had based on my college education and yesterday I was really excited. I was like ooh this is new and interesting and I'll be contributing to this good thing. Today, however, we got training in what we'll actually be doing and I don't want to be overly dramatic but within an hour I was thinking “I could just jump out the window”… I mean I could also just quit. That remains an option, so that impulse wasn't so serious as for anyone to be worried.
But the impulse was there. And over time that impulse will only grow stronger. The whole job was literally going back and forth between these boring websites, double checking the information people have written on forms for welfare, copy pasting that information and typing “confirmed, user has blablabla since then and then”. Over and over and over again. That's the whole job. Filling out those forms. And as soon as you're done with one, fear not because you can start another one!
At first I thought the people there were really nice, if not a little strange. But today I saw them in their natural habitats, when they weren't speaking directly to me, and they all look so miserable. Dull dead eyes, and lips like a bulldog. Just puhhh. Slanting. Like they have no spirit left in their bodies whatsoever and are just waiting for the day to be over. Apathy apathy apathy. And then I say something to them and ON COMES THE FAKE SMILE! Oh how was your vacation? Oh we're building a porch, not a lot of relaxing for me. Oh this is a very nice place to work, I'm sure you'll love it here. Oh how's your training going?
Maybe I sound overly cynical, but this seems like the place where all dreams come to die. Every dream you ever had for yourself and your life. That it one day might be something better or something more than just plain and ordinary, and that one day you might actually be interested and excited by what you do for a living, and excited for a new day to begin. You exchanged them all for a reasonable salary, a shitty coffee machine and a little basket with your name on it on a shelf in the office fridge.
Fuck me I gotta get out of this. Maybe buy some drugs and start robbing banks or something… Fuck modern society, seriously…