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Antiwork

I Love to Work – A Fictitious, Psychotic Short Story

You need to work though man – all the time, every day – until your fingers are worn to the bone. It'll make you feel accomplished. You won't have any fingers afterwards, but it's worth it. I don't play those videogames you're talking about. I just constantly work all the damn time. It's amazing. I feel like a zombie (like in those videogames you might play), so it can be fun! My boss doesn't pay me; he just punches me right in the face after I show up for work. It gets my blood pumping! The thing about my boss I like is he motivates me. We don't receive time off, but one day I still asked him for a day off. After that, he cut my pay in half and demoted me – put me in my place. Ever since then, I show up an hour early and leave…


You need to work though man – all the time, every day – until your fingers are worn to the bone. It'll make you feel accomplished.

You won't have any fingers afterwards, but it's worth it.

I don't play those videogames you're talking about. I just constantly work all the damn time. It's amazing. I feel like a zombie (like in those videogames you might play), so it can be fun! My boss doesn't pay me; he just punches me right in the face after I show up for work. It gets my blood pumping!

The thing about my boss I like is he motivates me. We don't receive time off, but one day I still asked him for a day off. After that, he cut my pay in half and demoted me – put me in my place. Ever since then, I show up an hour early and leave an hour late. I love the grind.

Even though I've worked for him for a few decades, I don't mind when he comes barging into the workplace and starts screaming at us. It lets me know I can always do better – no matter how good I am. I will never live up to his expectations, and I'm fine with that.

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