Posting this on a throwaway because the one person I told in my personal life gave me a lot of grief. I actually posted this in a different sub reddit but someone messaged me and said to post here as well.
It was hell trying to just get my unemployment benefits in the first place and I receive $322 a week. I make TOO MUCH according to social services for SNAP or Medicaid for me and my daughter. My ex is supposed to pay $200 a month in child support, but some months he pays, some months he doesn't. That's calculated into my overall income, with the unemployment and I can't get any help. I get WIC. That's it. My WIC case worker was the one who suggested I apply for SNAP, Medicaid, TANF, etc. When I did the over the phone interview and explained my situation, the social worker I spoke to said I should “make enough” to cover rent, electric, water, gas, trash, the list goes on and on. But I don't. I regularly have to juggle which utility can be paid, which can be put off, I have to calculate groceries down to the penny. I leave my 21 month old in diapers longer than I probably should to make them last, or if she's really stinky I just pop her in the bath. I'm terrified of blow outs and her clothes getting dirty because it's $10 for two loads to wash and dry at my apartment complex's laundry. I just got a notice that the management is raising our rent again in December. I don't know how the fuck I am going to make it.
I don't have a degree, just a GED. I've applied on Indeed for so many jobs. I've had interviews just to be ghosted, even by mcdonald's. My own mother, who knows how bad I'm struggling has told me she won't watch my daughter anymore for me to go to these interviews because my daughter is “too difficult” for her to watch. I feel like I have no one in my corner.
Yesterday I noticed we were down to the last four diapers. I made a post on my local Buy Nothing group asking if anyone had any spare diapers. My post was never approved, it just sat there pending. I ended up taking my daughter to walmart, stuck a small of diapers in the cart and let her look at toys. I opened the pack and stuck a few in my purse and we left. Just enough to get her through until my next unemployment payment hits.
I still feel so guilty. I tried talking to my mom about it and she just acted like she didn't care and wanted to ask me to loan her money for some bill she needed taken care of. I'm the one here struggling, keeping the heat off so the power bill isn't so high, going to the food bank every chance I get so I can eat more than cheap ramen and peanut butter. I feel like I have no one in my corner and I'm thinking I should maybe give my daughter up so she can have the life she deserves. I'm really struggling with the guilt over this.