I don't know how to do it. I'm miserable. I've cried everyday for weeks. I had my dream job, tattooing, but my boss (well I'm self employed so shop owner) is making it impossible to enjoy and I'm so shy and non combative she has no idea. I hoped her behaviour would change but it's getting worse. I'm too scared to speak up, I've never had an argument in my life, I'm pathetic and I need to leave this place but I don't know how.
-My boss refuses to let me control my own diary even though she's shit at it, double booking people, no last name or contact details, books me no dinner break.
-I'm the one to open up and lock up the studio everyday because she comes and leaves when she wants. She won't give my colleague keys so if they're working late I gotta stay.
-She makes me feel like a child, yesterday she even started cleaning my boots as I worked. Made me feel tiny.
-She called me disgusting for wearing CLEAN boxer shorts (I'm female)
-She refuses to let me take time off to run errands or have self care days even tho she knows my mental health is declining fast. She “can't afford it.” (she doesn't tattoo she just takes a percentage of my money I earn everyday)
-She is making us reuse paper and envelopes to save money.
-She is always messaging my mother if I'm in any other mood but happy.
-She constantly asks what I'm spending my money on.
-I could probably go on and on but I won't. Point is she's being ridiculous and it's upsetting me daily.
The worst thing is I also live in her flat, yep she's my landlady too. I can't afford to move until next month but I can't keep dealing with this. I took today off because she gave me a panic attack by messaging me first thing moaning that I asked for my own diary (which is VERY common in this industry). When I was younger I thought living upstairs from the studio would be amazing but it's just another thing that gives her power.
How do I leave? I feel trapped. I can't speak up. I wish I could tell her. She makes me feel 15 years old, not nearly 30. Shall I move house first and deal with this for another 2 months? Finish my ongoing work first?
I wish I had the confidence to just tell her this or to fuck off and treat me like an adult. I'm so tired.