I didn't want to be a single mom, I didn't ask for it. I am struggling with a piece of crap ex who abandoned myself and my two kids for a 19 year old. Flushed a 10 year relationship/6 year marriage down the drain. He pays $188 a month in child support. Which isn't anything to make ends meet. I work, and bust my rear end. I show up early when needed, stay late when needed, never say no to covering other's shifts, and come in any time when needed. I have applied for internal promotions several times, they refuse to give me a raise or promote me. My district manager said it is because she cannot “rely on me” to continue being a loyal employee where I work. They don't want to promote me because they don't know if I'll stay with a shitty retail company. But I make “too much” for government assistance. I've been on the emergency housing list for months. No SNAP, very little WIC. No TANF. Like how am I supposed to survive?
Today, I had to steal fucking diapers. Do you know how low I felt? Because my 18 month old was down to her last 2 and even after posting on my local Buy Nothing group, no one was able to help. I asked my mom for money to help and told her I would pay her back and she said no because she couldn't afford to help either. I'm fucking paying the woman to watch my kids so I can work and keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies. My 5 year old turns 6 next month and I have nothing for her – and I can't exactly afford to get her anything because everything is going up. Electric bill, water bill, rent, the fucking cost of food. I'm going without so my kids can have what they need. Their lives were already disrupted enough by their father walking out on us, I can't have them going hungry.
I am ready to just quit. I shouldn't have to live like this. I shouldn't have to stuff a small package of diapers under my baby's diaper bag and pray that no employee stops me. I am terrified I'm going to be arrested. Terrified that I'm going to lose my kids because I'm such a shitty mom. I feel like a shitty mom who's doing her best but still can't get ahead to save her life. I shouldn't have to risk a theft charge to make sure my youngest has diapers or my oldest has her favorite snack or new socks because she's worn the toes out of her old ones. I'm just looking at my sleeping kids and crying because I can't do better for her right now but I want to. She deserves better. We all deserve better