I work for an online school and my healthcare is trash. I have been having a really hard time with mental health (anxiety, depression, ocd), but the healthcare I get through work is hardly accepted anywhere. Specifically I have had the hardest fucking time finding a psychiatrist. Currently, I pay out of pocket for my psychologist because they’ve known me since childhood and I couldn’t find someone else who I meshed with who took my healthcare. But fuck me there are like no psychiatrists who take my healthcare. Almost all the names on the list provided by the healthcare app are out of date and no longer practicing where listed, or not accepting patients. The closest I was able to get was getting my name on a waiting list to see a nurse with prescriptive authority. Today, things got really bad and I decided to be persistent and try the app again to see if the names had been updated. Made 13 calls, and 12 of the doctors were no longer practicing. I was able to get in with an unlisted psychiatrist through a video visit through Amwell, which I’d never used. I was told she’d take my work’s insurance. The Psychiatrist’s room was a mess, the home phone kept ringing, and she kept talking about her personal life. I suppressed tears the whole time, wondering if this was the best help I was going to be able to get. I kept trying to get on the topic of my current mental health state (grouchy with family, crying when alone, feeling like a failure, exhausted, stress related pain, uncontrollable racing thoughts, mental fatigue, burnout, severe, sometimes paralyzing anxiety) and saying I needed a med change. We literally ran out of time and the video cut out because she kept rambling. I sobbed so hard after. My job as a teacher is sucking the life out of me, and I’m so hopeless at the prospect of not being able to get help. The ER costs almost $300 and I don’t think I’m that bad, but god it’s hard to be proactive about mental health when your employer gives you shit benefits.