I was 23 YO at the time, my preceptor was 30 YO, and the retail manager was maybe 40 YO, and HR maybe 50 to 60 YO.
I flew to a different state away from my family and friends to do my pharmacy internship in a rural town of 20,000 population.
The first 3 weeks of work were excellent. My preceptor praised me so much. But then after that, my preceptor suddenly became very mean and started yelling. I was really shocked. I thought he was yelling at me. But now I realise he was just yelling and being angry because it was a very stressful day. I cried at home the first time he yelled. But after that I didn't cry anymore.
He also did other things that made me feel weird:
He called me good girl.
Said inappropriate comments like:
Are you sure this coffee isn't yours, it tastes like you.
When there was a creak in the floor, he said “at one point your parents made this noise”.
I'll teabag your eyebags.
When I was compounding an ointment, he put his hand on my hand and moved it side to side to show me how to grind the powder using the spatula. Before he touched my hand, he said “I don't mean to go full on ghost with you”.
He was nice, and then mean, and then nice again.
At the time, I just pretended to not hear the inappropriate stuff. I just kept quiet. But all of these things stick in my mind.
I thought all the staff members really liked my preceptor because they always were friendly with him. And he seemed like he was really close to management, so I didn't want to speak up.
When people asked me how I was finding my new job, I said that I really enjoyed it and that my preceptor was really good.
Some other things about my preceptor:
He drove me to and from work since it was a rural town and I didn't have a car. It was only a 3 minute commute so it was fine.
He talks about knowing the pharmacy president, he talks about money, status and power. He has articles published, podcasts, he is well known in the industry. He has an excellent linkedin and instagram. He looks so happy on social media. But irl he sometimes looks really really sad which confuses me.
After talking to therapists, they have said my preceptor is a narcissist which makes me really sad to hear.
My preceptor is an excellent pharmacist and mentor.
He improved the pharmacy so much, helped out his rural community, and helped me so much as his intern. I've never ever seen a pharmacist so passionate about his job. Sometimes he even stays back at work for another 4 hours with getting paid. He's all about the hustle and work.
One day, a pharmacy assistant who is a woman, a mother, and has a sweet caring voice, she said to me that my preceptor can be a little arrogant. That really shocked me and opened up the conversation. I ended up telling her everything that I outlined above. She told me she was always worried whenever I stepped into his car. At the end of the conversation, I told her that I feel like I can trust her. And she said “ohh ok”.
At this point, I didn't feel the need to tell my preceptor.
But the next day, the retail manager came into the store, pulled me away from work and we had lunch at the nearby Cafe.
She told me that it has gotten back to her about what my preceptor had been doing to me. She said they were going to fire him. I told her I thought she was close to my preceptor. She shook her head. I told her that I don't want to because he always talks about court. And that he says he's got a lot of connections with the pharmacy organisation. But she just shook her head and slid the piece of paper and pen towards me. I looked at the paper, and just picked up the pen and started writing down everything I described above. I regret this so much. On the back of the paper was the private email that the staff member sent to the retail manager. As soon as I finished writing, I read a little bit of the email. The retail manager saw i was reading it, then she took the paper away from me. I was too scared to ask for it back.
While i was doing that, the retail manager was revealing negative opinions of my preceptor. She thinks he's lonely and insecure. She said her husband doesn't want to hear another word from my preceptor. That he rubs people the wrong way. That he's too much too quickly. That the owner doesn't want to enter into a partnership with someone like him. That pretty much all staff don't like him. And many more negative opinions.
All of those opinions did scare me. Since at this point I only knew him for 5 weeks.
The lunch meeting became 2 hours.
I walked back to the pharmacy. My preceptor said to me in front of everyone in the dispensary, “ok we're going to get into a little politics”. I said “I don't like getting into politics”. He said “you have no choice. I want to know what you talked about”. I said “I had avocado…” he said “I don't care what you ate. I want to know what you talked about”. I said “it was a catch up”. And then he said “we are going to have a chat later”. That scared me and intimidated me.
Then he left the pharmacy for an hour.
We then kept working until the shift ended. He then asked me what happened in the lunch meeting, if it was really just a lunch. I just said it was good.
Then he said “never say anything more than you need to say”.
During the car ride home, I had a phone call which meant he couldn't try to get me to tell him what happened at lunch.
Then I said the phone call was my sibling. And he said “I know, I know you're not cheating on me”.
I went inside my apartment. And the retail manager and HR said I could stay home for the next 2 days with getting paid.
Then the following week I was transferred to the sister store.
A staff member said that my preceptor looked really sad, talked sadly, was not himself. That made me really sad. So I decided to go buy coffee for him before I went to work the next day. He just looked so sad. So I said to him its not my fault. And he said you need to tell me what's going on.
Then I went to work at the sister store. I was so anxious because HR told me he would be fired in two days. I had an anxiety attack so I called him for advice on how to focus at work. He speaks like a motivational speaker, so his advice helped me to get through the day. He said something like things out of your control aren't worth worrying about. Then at the end of the phone call, I said to him I don't get home until 9pm. And I said a few times, isn't that inappropriate. And he said it's not and he doesn't see an issue at all with that.
After work, me and a coworker went to the gym and we saw him at the gym. He looked so happy and walked up to me and asked me what I was doing. And I said working out.
Then at 9pm, he texted me asking if everything's okay. And I texted back saying that I feel better after talking to you. Then he asked if we still wanted to eat. And I said ok.
So he drove to my apartment at 9pm. We went to eat, and I told him everything. I told him he was going to get fired. He did two very deep breaths.
Then when he dropped me off at my apartment at 11pm, he said that he has a favour to ask of me. He was able to get my wages to above award rate, so he said if I do this for him, then we'll be even.
He told me to stay up all night and document everything that was going on. I said but I have work tomorrow and I'm tired. And he said that he has to go to work tomorrow too.
I went into my apartment. I didn't know what to do. So I called him at 11.30pm and at midnight. He was very nice. He told me he wrote my name in his article, that he wanted my name to be in there. I told him I felt scared. And he was sweet talking to me on the phone. I felt special. He wanted to read what was in the article to me. And I said nah. But he said “shush you”. And read parts of the article to me
He said I didn't have to go to work tomorrow if I was too tired. I could just call the retail manager and say that everything was still affecting me and she would let me stay home.
I then told him I was worried about how the document will be traced back to me because I felt really weird writing down all the things from the lunch meeting.
Then he said I won't be identified, this isn't going to court, only him and his legal advisor will see it, I won't be a witness.
I asked him when do you want me to send it to you. I said “3am, 4am?” And he said to send it to him before work tomorrow.
So I wrote a 1 page document. In the document, I wrote that I felt pressured by the retail manager to write the document in the lunch meeting.
Then at 6am, I texted him to call me when he wakes up.
He called me straight away. He sounded so tired and quiet on the phone. Turns out he stayed up the whole night to work out a legal action plan.
I can see it from his perspective. I know why he pressured me to stay up. He said it's because he only has 1 day to organise things, since he was going to be fired in 2 days.
At midday, he called me to say he was so thankful for me telling him in advance. He said he can defend himself now. At that point, I thought he meant defend himself in the dismissal meeting. He said if I hadn't told him then he would've been set up. He said he was very proud of me, that I did a great job, and that I've stepped up as an adult, and that I'm a little sponge. I really liked the praise.
Then HR called me around 2 hours later and was telling me what the company's lawyer was saying to her. Like how they should say as little as possible to minimise the risk of it going to court. They were saying what will happen in the dismissal meeting.
I then called my preceptor because i was on his side. He told me to document the phone call so I did. It took me a whole hour to document it. Then he said honesty is greatly appreciated. I asked him who will see the document. And he said only he will.
So I sent it to him.
And then the next day which was the day of his dismissal, he called me asking if I had been denying everything that HR had been saying. Because in the phone call document, HR was offering me to fly back home for a week so that my preceptor wouldn't be able to approach me, since he'll have 1 week to leave the rural town after he gets fired. My preceptor interpreted that as him being inappropriate and making me feel uncomfortable. So he thinks that he got fired for being inappropriate. Turns out he was sending those 2 documents around to different people to seek advice.
And then he told me to call HR and tell them that what they are doing is wrong, that i have no interest in working in this pharmacy, that I don't feel this way about my preceptor. Then he said theres no consequences because I'm going to resign anyway. He said it's okay to resign effective immediately.
Then I asked him if he will work normally today and talk to people normally. And he said yes.
I couldn't bring myself to send an angry email.
I resigned. And then I wrote another email saying thank you for your offer of flying me back to my hometown. But I feel safe in this town regardless of whether my preceptor is there or not.
And then HR called me at 6pm. She asked if I told him. Because he was threatening the retail manager all day. And he was mentioning my name a lot. Saying that I've been communicating with him.
I was really shocked because he told me he would work normally that day
I then called him straight after. And he was very mad. He was yelling. And denying everything. And he told me it was going to court, that I'm going to be a witness, that I will be identified. It was a 20 min phone call.
I was so scared about what I've done. I didn't know who to go to. So I went back to HR. And told them everything. They said I was doing the right thing. And I said my preceptor also said I was doing the right thing.
They told me to send those documents to them. And the retail manager asked me on 3 separate occasions to send through private texts of me and him. I knew it was weird. But she kept asking me and it got into my head.
I didn't send the documents through straight away.
But the retail manager texted me and told me to send it through.
So I did.
I told them the documents are very mean. And she said that her opinion of me won't change and that she understands the situation.
But then after sending through the documents, she became mean. She said i have to leave by the end of the week.
HR and the retail manager called me and texted me every day to ask if I was okay.
And then 1 week later when I was on the flight back home, HR called me. They said they couldn't sweep this under the rug, that they have a legal obligation to ask me if I was safe, she asked me why I wrote those documents. Basically, the phone call was almost 2 hours.
Then she told to write another document about why I wrote those documents for my preceptor.
And then I went back home. I didn't want to write any more documents so I never wrote that document that HR told me to write.
I don't like how everyone told me what to do in that town. I felt like a kid.
Then 3 weeks later, I went on vacation. And then I called my former preceptor. He said he was very proud of me. But then I felt guilt for what I did. I told him I sent those documents back. And then he said he was disappointed in me.
Then he asked me why I vacationed in that town because it was near where HR and the owner lives. And I said I was there to vacation only.
He recommended me supportive people to talk to. I felt like he cared about me because he chose specific people I can talk to.
And then I sent him an email explaining why I vacationed in that town. I wanted to send that email to reassure him because he helped me out so much. And he misinterpreted the email. He sent me the most mean, horrible email back. He called me a liar and toxic. I cried. I knew he threatened the retail manager, but i didnt know that he could be mean to me. I was not expecting him to be mean because he was so nice on the phone. I was scared again. So I just stayed in my hotel for the whole day.
I haven't contacted him since then.
The legal situation was privately settled.
His career really took off after being fired. He has won awards and is very very well known in the industry. I'm not friends with him on social media. But he pops up in my feed all the time because he puts himself out there. I used to cry seeing his photos while scrolling through my social media. But I don't cry anymore.
He's in a lot of magazine articles. So I can't read a pharmacy magazine without seeing his article and seeing his photos.
It's almost been a whole year now.
Everyone I've talked to has always chosen HR's side. But I'm still choosing my former preceptors side. But people say that what he did to me wasn't okay, and that I've got corporate Stockholm syndrome.
HR knows how charming he can be since he is very attractive. So they said to get a female preceptor next time.
I've deleted all our text messages, our emails, all the evidence, our phone call histories, everything. It's been settled and I don't want to be reminded of him anymore.
I'll never contact him again. I know he thinks I'm trash based on his email.
If I could go back in time, I would've never written anything down in the lunch meeting and I would've been on his side every time.
The reason I switched sides a lot is because I went to the other side when I was scared. Which is stupid of me.
I've matured a lot since then. Im never going to let anyone walk all over me again.
He's doing great. He's one of the pharmacists of the year in my country.
Edit: I know it's time for me to move on. It's been almost a year. I just feel like a really bad person. People irl say I was manipulated by both sides. That I'm an empath because i am very considerate of others feelings, that my emotions overshadow my rational thinking. But is it really manipulation? I'm an adult. I'm responsible for everything I've done.
Both sides keep telling me they've done nothing wrong.
I've never said I've done nothing wrong. It's been almost a year, and I can write pages and pages of everything I could improve on and what I've done wrong.