I can't help but feel utterly frustrated.
I'm currently trying to get a job in tech. Given my relevant college degree and the usually relatively high pay people get doing what I'm trying to do I guess I'm fairly privileged, and that makes me conflicted. After earning my degree, doing research into this field, paying attention to what's expected of people in order to even get a job, I started to really question how much I would enjoy coding for a living. I feel wrong because as I understand it this field is supposedly much better than many other fields out there with pay and average stress levels and etc. I don't have to deal with customers constantly, I don't have to do intense physical labor, I'll be getting paid pretty well. I feel like I should buck up and take charge and go all out trying to get one of these jobs and work hard and climb up the ladder and be happy with that.
…But I'm not satisfied. And I don't want to put so much of my time and energy into a job. Because I know even here with this relatively privileged career path, companies are gonna look for ways to exploit me. And I'm not happy with the expectation to trade 40+ hours a week of my life to a company nearly every week for the next few decades of my existence. Through this whole job search process almost daily I've thought to some degree about how bad of a deal this feels like to me.
Unlike some people here personally I'm not entirely against the idea of work. Stuff's gotta get done, people need to make things happen. What I'm against is the way work has taken shape in the present day basically across the board: the way work… works, I guess. I don't want to be expected to do the most while also not being given decent training and guidance. I don't want to dedicate 40+ hours a week to a job when I have personal hobbies and interests I want to give time to. I wish in general so many people out there didn't have to struggle so much because of the way shit is. I wish so many people weren't so indoctrinated into accepting and supporting the way things are. I feel like those shouldn't be considered outrageous wants, and yet I also suspect some people would call me wrong for saying all that anyway. I don't know enough about the past to determine if things today are better or worse than they were before or whatever, all I fucking know is there's definitely room for improvement currently and I desperately want to see it. But that improvement isn't coming immediately and I still need to earn money asap.
I don't know. I feel like I just need to suck it up and deal with it, this is how things are, and I'm on the brighter side of things too with my career path so really, like, just handle it. But at the same time I feel so demoralized. The stuff that's bothering me goes a little beyond this too but it also mostly does involve this because it all comes back around to the need for money, but I won't get into all of that. Sorry for the rant, I just felt like posting these thoughts somewhere would be good.