And to be honest? I fucking hate this job. But l hated every other job l've just as much if not more.
And to be even more honest, l know deep down its wrong cause l don't know them and they aren't the reason my life sucks, but l cant help but sometimes resent all students who come in here who've never had to work, who dont have student loans, who have wealthy parents who afford then their every desire when my parents traumatized me then promptly disowned me to fend for myself at 18 in my first semester of college.
Sometimes l want to scream. Tell them how lucky they are, tell then about how they get to go to the hospital or the therapist if they need to while l just have to hope no one calls an ambulance if l collapsed because l cant afford health insurance. I want to curse their parents for making the world like this instead of making it better.
But instead l have to smile and be polite, pretend to like then, grit my teeth through dismissive looks and sexual harassment, hoping my managers just ban then later, because otherwise ill lose my apartment, ill lose the source of money for food and the substances that make life bearable. Knowing they never have and never will experience that kind of exhausting pressure.
I know its not their fault and they're probably fine people but fuck if it doesn't sting to see an easier life just beyond reach and then bag all the nice food they get to buy with someone else's money.
I'm just so fucking tired.