So I was/am studying math/physics (24y now) but about 1.5 years ago I suddenly woke up one day and had a weird feeling in my head and am cognitively impaired since which makes it unable for me to continue studying or do anything really and nothing helps, doctors all clueless, its a nightmare. also i have adhd, anxiety, chronic fatigue etc. and this thing is all of it 10x and even worse. now im at the point where i dont get any money from the goverment for studying anymore because i cant do exams. so from next month i have to work. so this is it this is the first time im out there alone and have to earn my own money.
i was never really suited for working life with my adhd and stuff, i came late to school everyday, frequently missed days entirely because i couldnt get out of bed, got kicked out of one school and almost out of 2 others, they didnt want to let me finish my last year because i missed like a third of the year but i pushed through it, because i had the goal of studying math and knew that with lectures in germany being voluntary it would finally be a lifestyle suited for me.
but now, if i miss a day or too many i will be kicked out of my job, need to look for a new one, whole story again, probably miss payments i need during downtime or get only little for unemployment. in the last 2 weeks because of stress i had 2 situations where i didnt sleep a whole night and couldnt sleep the second night after until very late in the night, like 2 sleepless nights in a row, and I fear this will happen again this is really about health vs survival if i have something like this i NEED to have the opportunity to give myself a break but if i have work the next day i either just cant or have to risk the job that is necessary for survival. if i have no money safed up this is an absolutely sick decision.
then the payment for jobs i can do without a degree is really low its minimum wage so i need to work much more hours then im comfortable with, life will be constant stress which im very sensible to and i still will struggle financially on top of that and not even be able to safe money so i can have a backup for hard times.
there is no way out of this is there? if i fuck up im lost, if i loose my job im on the street and i have to life with that constant anxiety im so aware of? is there really no alternative? like these double sleepless night i really thought i will die and i fear if im too stressed it will happen again i just cannot be sure that i can do this, if i had money safed up to life of for some months and minimum wage jobs would be enough to fill this up in the months i can work again it would be ok but it looks like the only way is to constantly life on the edge? or so i overlook something? like some nice chill jobs i could do that are suited for people like me with ok payment? guys? this is horrible i dont think i can cope with this uncertainty