I was caught up in some major layoffs about four months ago. It was easily one of the happiest moments in my decade long career.
When the layoffs first happened I got so many messages that were meant to console me but honestly? I was happy to get the boot. It’s not that I hate working. I like the feeling of being “productive” and getting things done but I was so burnt out, hell I’m still burnt out. I was exhausted. Vacations didn’t feel restful, notifications would give me raging anxiety. I’d call in sick constantly with migraines. I was barely performing.
Corporate America has this knack for draining your lifeblood slowly and painfully.
I never tell say this out loud , the few times I’ve expressed that I’m relieved people look at me like I’m a monster. Layoffs can be and are hard, having a wrench thrown into your livelihood is terrible. I don’t have children, a mortgage, a car note so my responsibilities are far less. Would it be different if I had all all those things? Probably but I don’t.
I worked a short gig after the layoff and then went on government benefits. I can’t do some of the things I did before with the disposable income and the more time that passes the less I care. I know eventually I’ll need to make money and I keep telling myself that maybe I’ll try to start a small creative business or freelance. I don’t know what, something.
I sleep better, I have days where I don’t do anything. I draw and hang about. I recently started volunteering at an old folks home reading, now that restrictions are lifted. Being laid off released what felt like 200lbs weights shackled to my ankles.