First of: I am so sorry for the long post, I really want to get this off my chest, I've bugged everyone I know in my life enough about this. But I feel so defeated I had to spill it here on Reddit.
So based on the title, I have been in the Film Industry since I was 18, but it has been on and off due to things happening in life. Recently, though, since last year I decided to take my passion more seriously. So I was able to write and starr in the films that my crew and I produce, and film. This is something we take very seriously, as a career.
However, I have been working at this job since the end of 2019 and to be quite honest, Im so effing tired. Mentally and physically I am so exhausted working at my retail job. Because of the pandemic, my manager hasn't been able to rack up hefty amount of money for the store. So you can imagine it has been difficult even to hire another employee. We have no HR and no benefits.
It has been weighing on me before but I managed to start an Etsy store last year, ofcourse it doesnt generate an income that I can be confident to quit my day job. But I really want to make Etsy my full time as well, the reason is because I can be really crafty.
The only problem I have here is time and money.
Time, because even if I want to create things for my Etsy store, I never almost have the energy for it after work. Same with Filming, the time I am needed on set doesnt go well with my working hours because my manager only has two employees. I never even called in sick cuz I know no one is gonna cover for me so sometimes I end up working while I have a fever.
Most days I almost don't have energy to continue writing films and do some of the backends even though I have so much ideas.
After a working day, it just gets me so tired because Like I said, I work in retail, I deal with customers both good and bad. It just takes alot on me especially when I am someone who values alone time.
Thats why Ive been losing my mind since last year because I don't have the courage to quit my job, I've rehearsed so many times in my head I want to quit but I can never do so. i dont have enough savings thats why I'm still working, but Im so exhausted, sad and defeated, I dont really know what to do.
I was planning on leaving when he comes back from another country next month but what then? Some of the cons I thought of if I were to look for another job is that they won't give me a flexible schedule. Especially if youre new to work, I wouldnt want to suddenly ask the manager if I can get a few days off right away just cuz I was called for a shoot.
I know alot of advises are like “dont leave until you have another job lined up”, but I just feel like I cant do that. Its not that I dont want to work but I also don't want to keep pausing making films and pursuing Etsy.
Im totally lost, Im not sure what to do anymore but if you have an advise for me to transition to Etsy and Film full time, then thank you in advance
Some notes:
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Before my coworker quit for a better job, it was just the two of us. Since she left, there was a month I was alone. And now my manager is leaving to another country for family reasons, so I am left to work 5-6 days a week for almost 3 weeks before he comes back.
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I am a retail worker but for some reason I was the one who created the store website and managing it, newspaper ad, poster ads. Thats not in the job description but I somehow ended up doing it.