First off I would like to say this sub is both a gift and curse. It's grim but I find solace knowing I am not the only one suffering from similar or even worse circumstances though it's equally depressing being reminded day after day how slow change is and what small chance of hope there is for it at all. Sometimes I read a post that evokes such a visceral image or response it feels like a suicide watch.
With that said, on to my entry in this hell.
I worked today from 3am to 530 pm and as I waste my time to sleep typing this, I have to be back at 3 am. This is what I have to look forward to for the forseeable future because of greed. Understaffed and underpaid, the classic standard. But in my particular case, I admit I knowingly chose this again after coming back recently to my old job because I tried searching for something better but it's all the same. So, I chose the work I love for less money after exploring for an exhausting year and hoping maybe what I love doing would be different or at the very least, just try come to terms and make the best of it. I tried to better myself monetarily and now I have crawled back and settled and now for the worse. My choice but it never really feels like I had one. Because these situations are the majority across the world. It's almost chosen for you because of that pesky thing called hunger. Take it, or die.
I'm almost 29 and really these days all I ever feel like doing is crying but for what? It doesn't change anything, it can't help but momentarily. Even my base human emotions have been taken and void. This is what I get for trying to work hard and giving my best and contributing to society.
I understand I've only given a vague description of what my job is and it reads like an attempted poetic cry for emotional help. Maybe this doesn't belong here and I could go into more details like the my shift time has no breaks, commute isn't factored in, $30 Christmas bonuses, 4 holidays off per year only, minimum 50 hours per week even when staffed etcetera. But again it won't change anything. Although, it has given me a (almost) meaningless, peaceful momentary release which feels like the only thing I have time for anymore.
Because, unfortunately, it's almost time to clock in.