I've had an extremely traumatising 2 years. I lost both my mother and grandmother to cancer, and unable to cope with the grief, my brother committed suicide. i was the one who found him and have PTSD from what I saw that day. This is on top of my pre-existing ADHD, anxiety and BPD. I lost all my friends because they didn't want to deal with me which send my depression spiralling even harder. I lost my job because of it, and can't hold a job down now, but don't qualify for temporary disability.
I fucking hate everything. I'm sick of this notion that we must ALWAYS be earning a living at all times. Sometimes people are not capable of working but we are expected to be fucking robots for capitalism or starve. I'm not fucking OK. I need time to tend to my mental health but I can't take it because I have to spent 5 of my 7 days “earning” basic fucking necessities. I didn't even ask to be here, yet I have to earn my right to exist?
I don't want to do anything because I am mentally exhausted from everything I went through and need time and rest to process all of that, but no, not being able to slave away for 40 hours means I am lazy no matter what my circumstances are. I'm tired of it. I need REST but because I wasn't born rich, I just have to slave away while suffering loss.
I hate it here.