Called out yesterday and took a “mental health day“ and realized it did absolutely nothing. I’m still anxious and depressed. What’s even the point.
I’m currently dreading my shift and contemplating calling out again, but I just started my current job and I’m already on the verge of getting write ups for calling out during training, but I can’t help it. Feels like mental illnesses are the only disability that goes blatantly ignored.
The workforce is not tailored for people with mental health problems like me. I have the potential to be a somewhat normal human being, but society doesn’t even allow me the chance. I’m constantly working. When I’m not working, I’m stressing over work. How can I take care of myself mentally when I don’t have the time to? I get no leave, can’t afford insurance, what the fuck am I supposed to do? My time off is spent cleaning and running errands. I’m fucking deteriorating. Literally fucking deteriorating.
I’ve tried being open about my illness with employers before, and I felt like it only aided in making me a target. People with depression, anxiety, PTSD, whatever, are never taken seriously. I’m not making the mistake of telling my boss I’m mentally ill again bc I have always felt discriminated against in the past. I’ve always felt like a pariah.
I’ve already come to the conclusion that I will probably kill myself if the current trajectory never changes. If I ever kill myself, it will 100% be at the fault of capitalism and the workforce.
Disclaimer:
Please do not tell me to “get help”.
Please do not comment or DM me the suicide prevention line. Anyone who has unfortunately had to call them will tell you they are notoriously worthless unless you actively have a gun to your head. I’ve called twice before just to be put on hold for long amounts of time while in crisis mode. It is a joke.
Do not tell me to go to therapy. I can’t afford therapy. I can barely afford my medications.
This post is just me venting about how capitalism and work ARE THE REASON why my mental health is so bad that I want to die. That is a fact. I would not be suffering this much if it wasn’t like this.
Edit: words and typos
Edit edit: thanks for downvoting me for being open about the struggles of what people like me go through when living with limited resources. This kind of proves my point that whatever I say regarding my mental health isn’t taken seriously.