I (24F) am so tired. I hate work, yet I'm so attached to it – I think about my to-do list over and over on my days off. I cry and beat myself up whenever I make mistakes. I'm terrified of my boss bc I want her to like me. It's Saturday night and I'm sitting here so anxious about the week ahead, since I took this past week off. What a glorious week it was – but now the thought of going back makes me want to die.
I always say work makes me want to die, but haven't actually wanted to die. However, what gets to me is there's no escape from this. I don't really have any skills. Everyone says “freelance” or “start a business” but I have no fucking clue how to do any of that. I need the stability of a 8-5 but absolutely fucking despise it. So I just thought about how dying could be my escape from it – and I felt this instant wave of relief as I thought about it. I'm not planning anything. But I'm pretty heartbroken that thinking about killing myself brought me some peace of mind, and I'm worried I'm going to keep going to this mental place to cope.
Yeah, I know I need to discuss with my therapist.