I was called into meeting to discuss my attendance vs attendance policy.
I had been on the job for about 15 years. Occasionally called out sick. Occasionally tardy. No big deal. Recently, I had a small “flurry” for lack of a better term of tardies I believe there may have been 3 spanning about two months. Which is a lot for me.
Context. It's a union job so, we have a union steward in meeting with us. The word “pattern” is important and emphasized by manager.
Management: The reason we are here is your PATTERN of tardiness and absence. I see you have come in late three times in the last two months, for a total of nineteen minutes. I cannot stress the importance of being puntual and available for our customers. If this PATTERN continues, we will have no choice but to suspend you.
Me: I understand the needs of the company. However, I take issue with your evaluation of the situation. I have worked here for over 15 years and rarely call out sick, and over the same 15 years, have not been excessively late. I acknowledge that there have been a few tardies lately, but I would classify it more as an anomaly. Wouldn't you?
Mgr: NO! This is a PATTERN and it needs to stop now!
Mr: A PATTERN you say. Then tell me this. When will the next occurrence happen? Will it be a tardy? If so, how late will I be? When will be the next time I call out sick?
Mgr: How would I know that?
Me: That is how PATTERNS work. They map out repetition allowing for accurate prediction of events. 1-3-5-7-9-11-13 is the pattern, the next in the pattern will be 15. Black green red yellow black green red yellow black green … Next comes red. A pattern. …. So, I ask again. When will I be tardy next?
Mgr: No, that's not how it works.
Me: (Turning to union steward) I believe that we need an interpreter. Hey manager, how quickly can you get an interpreter here?
Mgr: An interpreter? Why?
Me: Because I am speaking ENGLISH, and if you were to get an ENGLISH dictionary you will find that I have used the word “pattern” consistently with it's definition. Your use of the word, or perhaps a word in the language that you are speaking, which initially SOUNDS like English, is obviously a different word with a different meaning. Please provide me with an interpreter so that I can fully understand what in the world you are saying. Because in English, what you say makes no sense. Considering the obvious language barrier, this meeting, other than my request for an interpreter shall be removed from the record. Please notify us when we can have the interpreter available.