I've always been ambitious. I've changed my career a few times and realized I don't suit being employed.
I've been a brand designer, website designer and now I'm a digital marketer, which is my most recent thing.
I took a digital marketing course at a local college and got myself a couple of clients and I'm doing OK.
After all this time, dedication, studying and grinding….I've realized I don't like social media (reddit excluded).
I go on tiktok and Instagram and Facebook and all I see is people posting for attention and adoration.
It's all so shallow and empty.
We're all becoming our own personal PR companies. Promoting a false version of ourselves on social media. Advertising ourselves on online dating apps.
There's no real connection behind any of it.
I honestly thought that once I finally had a qualification in digital marketing, I would feel fulfilled. I also thought that when I trained to be a designer…
But I feel the opposite. Everytime I reach a career milestone, I think 'this' will be the thing that finally helps me to feel successful. But I never do. I'm still earning minimal money. I'm still in debt. I'm still living paycheck to paycheck.
I'm seriously considering going back to being employed and just finding a remote job. But then I see my employed friends dealing with being micro managed, not taking time off when they're sick for fear of losing their jobs and working longer hours than they're paid for.
Have we all been sold a false dream, labeled as a reward for ambition, just to keep us on the hamster wheel?
Is 'ambition' just another trap?