Being disabled and trying to hold a job is the most frustrating thing ever.
Started a new job a couple months ago, it's been a nightmare the entire time. So I have PTSD from just past trauma, and I need some accommodations for it. Not a lot just like a couple things. I either need my service dog with me at work, and if that's not possible them I need the following instead:
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I needed to be allowed a little extra time to get here in the morning, 10-30mins tops, because I have nightmares and wake up panic attacks. Thus can cause me to run late.
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IF I have a severe panic attack at work I be allowed to leave early. Max I at at an old job was an hour early, and almost never took advantage of it.
Neither of these 2 can happen on the same day, always been and either or thing.
- I need to be allowed to call in for severe episodes. I think it used to be 4 episodes a month, each episode can be up to 2 days long. (This was back when I was working over 10 hours in a day, so at this job it'd probably be more like 2 episodes a month at most.) Now I NEVER used that many days. I used like 1-2 in a month at most, but have also gone several weeks not needing to at all.
And this is all only if I'm not allowed my service dog, because with out her I have a harder time.
So when I was interviewed I asked “how much of the job is running reception and talking a lot of phone calls?” Because phones are like the one thing I struggle with the most. I can do em, just not every day for 8+ hours a day. (This position is for overnight security, not reception mind you)
They answered “oh you'll almost never do that. Only if we need you to cover if some one calls in.”
I respond with “ok great, because though it's something I can do as needed it's not something I can do 100% of the time” and they said that was fine.
Fast forward to orientation with one of the HR people. One of the first things I say is, “hey I have ptsd, I have had accommodations in the past and will likely need them here as well.” They tell me it's no problem, just gotta work with my manager.
First time I meet with my manager, I pull him aside and say essentially the same thing as well as give him an idea of what my past accommodations were and about my service dog. He tells me everything should be fine, if they notice anything we'll sit down and figure it out no problem.
I'm thinking, 'ok cool I've done my part and communicated with everyone great'
The next few weeks are a hellish nightmare of very little training, being ignored by the people who are supposed to train me for several hours. Having to beg for any amount of help or information on anything. Asking nonstop questions to which everyone gives me completely different answers and I get yelled at randomly for doing things wrong because the person who taught me how to do it did it wrong. Not having access to any of our systems the whole time because no matter how much I ask management they don't help. So I end up emailing everyone under the sun and only manage to get access to 1 thing. On top of all that im covering reception and phone calls the entire time, the one thing i expresses i cant do everyday in during my interview. And this was regardless if there were call outs or not. Just not fun, but I hang in there and finally start to figure it out.
Fast forward again to now, suddenly get pulled in to an office by my manager and his boss one morning. I'm completely confused but I go with it. They put down a piece of paper with all my tardiness' on them and say “so you've been here for just over 2 months now and you already have 10 events. If you keep doing this you'll be written up. And it'll go on your record for 3 years.” All the times on there except for like 2 were over by 1-3 minutes…
So I again explained the panic attacks and about how they affect me in the morning. His boss looks shocked, I'm guessing my manager never told him anything. And my manager goes on with “well the thing is we have to treat everyone equally here. And people rely on you to be here to relieve them” (I'm the first person in the building and am by myself for 7 of my 8 hours, no ones waiting on me)
Me- “I understand this, I'm not upset that we are having this conversation however i don't have control of this”
Manager-“well I mean I can push it your schedule back half an hour if that'll help”
Me- “I mean temporarily yeah but I can't promise this won't happen again because again i am disabled”
At this point I'm already shaking and starting to have a panic attack and close to tears.
He tries to ask if I have any other solution, which I follow up with “I don't know, what are my options for accommodations?” And they both just shrug.
They quickly try to change the subject a d turn it to a “so how's the job so far”
I mention that it's ok, I just don't like reception. They immediately jump into attacking me about it. “Well why?! You have to do it, it's apart of the job? What's the problem” ect, ect.
I could barely explain because they'd just interrupt me.
His boss starts with “well I hear you've said this isn't what you signed up for. If you can't do it then why are you here.” Mind you I said that out of frustration my first week after learning nothing about my actual job and being forces to run reception.
I apologized and explained I said that in frustration because I wasn't told that I would be doing reception this much and keep in mind my previous employer literally had me doing manager work without being a Manger so of course I'd be frustrated if it seemed like it was all happening again.
Which just led to more accusing me of not beong able to do my job. Keep in mind I bever once told them I couldn't do any aspect of the job, this job is so much easier then my last now that I've taught myself most of it. I further tried to explain my frustrations of being left on my own suddenly with no one telling me how to find out any of the information i was supposed to have. Not that I was upset to be left alone, I actually do great on my own, but that no one provided the resources I needed to be on my own. Like simple things that the normal reception people would do that I need to handle when covering for them.
Just leads to another attack of I have to get used to being alone, and am I sure I can handle this?
There was a lot more but you get the point. No one was listening to a word I said and just jumping down my throat based on totally unrelated things. Claiming im not asking questions despite that being literally all i ever do. I even tried to tell them I've notices everyone in the office is confused on certain policies, like are we allowed to give people uniforms? Or just the people who handle uniforms? What do we do if that person isn't there to give them a uniform?!
And all I got was “there's no real answer in this job for anything. You need to be able to think on your feet!”
Are you sure?! Because I feel like there are policies for stuff like that! Which they eventually actually give me it but refuse to acknowledge there's a severe issue in the whole office regarding those kinds of confusions. They just tell me my struggles are all my fault.
The whole sit down basically ends with, we'll give you papers later to sign acknowledging this conversation and to change my schedule to half am hour later, have me leave the room and then close it so they can continue talking about me.
It's been a week, and they've completely ghosted me again. Never got the papers. Never got confirmation of schedule change. Never got accommodation information. No emails, nothing. So now I'm stuck almost never sleeping, because no sleep means no nightmares, no nightmares means less severe panic attacks which means less chance to be late. I have to come in at my normal time to check the schedule to verify when im supposed to clock in so im not late. Which i could still be wrong and still get in trouble but i have know way of verifying?! I've lost 4 lbs due to stress because they can literally at any moment come after me again. I almost got sent to the ER because they caused a panic attack so bad my therapists crisis line thought i was a suicide risk and might need to be admitted, thankfully when I mentioned i shouldnt be away from my service dog (whose recovering from mouth surgery so wouldn't come with me) they changed their mind. Plus my body is so wrecked from 7 days of non stop panic that I'm just so sick now but can't call in or I'm written up!
This isn't supposed to be how this shit works right?!? Like I'm still new to actually needing accommodations but I thought I was doing everything right. I communicated, laid out what I may need and asked what the process was to ensure that not only I'm protected but that they are aware I'm not just fucking around and calling in/being late all willy nilly. My therapist has been on stand by since I got offered the job so she can provide anything they need, but they just seem to ignoring me. I don't know how else to go about this, I feel like their just gonna fire me regardless.