Hello antiwork I am pretty new to this sub overall and new to this outlook on life. I just wanted to post and maybe that will help me get a better idea where to go next or what to do about my depressing life choices.
I graduated High School in 2009. My mom works at the local college so I got free tuition, but I blew that first semester because I didn’t pick a major and stopped going entirely. With no more school I started making bread for about $11 hr at a local shop until about 2015. Moved on from there and joined a very well renowned spot where I live. My boss was a real lifelong baker so that job was practically free school, learning everything new from him. I left there in 2018 when they capped me at $14.50 hr. From there I joined a bagel place that started me at $20. Pretty great. But the place was run by the owners kids and not a good environment. The disorganization was impossible to look past after a while so in December of 2021 I left. From there I joined a local coffee shop which sells baked goods and laminates their own dough for croissants (big plus). $22.50hr so I decided I’ll try to stay here for a while and get to $25. I don’t like to outright flaunt but I do consider myself to be extremely detailed oriented, cleanly, and able to multi task constantly. I do all my own dishes and clean up after myself. I can usually do all needed projects in less than 8hrs. I take pride in my work I love to see the final product which signifies your day is done.
So this past Monday I accidentally cut my pinky knuckle while opening a large can. Right where the finger bends I cut myself deep enough to consider stitches. But the location makes it impossible for anything to work really, just has to heal on its own.
Current boss then gives me grief about it. Although I consider myself thick skinned I do get very stressed out about how I affect other people. So I started spiraling, I take the responsibility of the entire business on my shoulders because without me it means someone has to step up and do the work. No baker, no pastries means no product out no sales made. A lot of personal stress there knowing my finger needed time to heal. Drove home this morning and just started having a mental breakdown. Opened Reddit to distract myself and saw this sub.
If you bothered to read all this I guess what I’m wondering is what would you tell someone like me? If you heard this from a friend would you tell them to just chin up and continue on? I’ve been doing this since the end of high school when I was 18 and now I’m 32 still living check to check. Unable to save any money. My car will need to be replaced by the end of year. Can’t even take a few days off for a stupid injury that I did to myself. I’ve worked so hard for so many years and have nothing to show for it at all. I should’ve focused harder on getting a degree because living like this makes it so obvious why someone could take their own life. How can I ever hope to break a cycle and be happy. All of this because I got a bad cut and couldn’t take the appropriate time to heal. It happened Monday, I switched my Thursday day off to Tuesday. Then tried to go in today to prove I care and feel bad, but could barely do anything with my finger in a splint.
I’m so tired of giving so much of my life and effort to people who only see you as a warm body. I don’t know what to do and I’m fucking mentally exhausted, physically depressed. Not sure how much more I can handle life this way. My number 1 question is what other detail oriented jobs would be good to look at for someone with only baking experience? Worked so hard to get to over $20hr with no school but it’ll be gone in an instant if I try to switch fields. Please share your thoughts I’m open to anything even harsh words. Thank you everyone