I love this thread. I worked very hard in all the school I did but was met with a lot of hostility and rejection (started work at 14, moved to New York for school). My first office gig was a startup after I taught myself web development basics in 2010. It was a nightmare to say the least. Most of the jobs after that weren't nearly as bad as that place or most of the jobs I read about on here but “office culture” has had a serious effect on my ability to tell when people are against me, plotting, gossiping, keeping information, walking on glass, etc. I have been at the best gig I've had and it is back to doing what I feel best at.
I have had some very good managers in the past but many admitted when things in the company were not going to change even if they wanted them to. Even my primary manager at the startup disagreed with the higher ups on many things and would be honest with me even if I thought he didn't like me.
To say that I click with this company is an epic understatement. Lately though, I have very clearly been projecting my anxieties and past “trauma” (health issues not dealt with for 10 years until this job) and interpreting facial expressions, tone of voice, clearly incorrectly if I feel someone genuinely doesn't like me. I do have anxiety and I'm on the spectrum (hence missing visual/facial cues) but after speaking with my manager after feeling overwhelmed in a situation that was in reality, not that big of a deal.
I am pretty sure I am being triggered and jumping to conclusions about people and there have been times in the past where I have gone with my gut feeling and ended up being very happy with the choices I have made. There has not been any kind of reports, disciplinary issues, reprimands, punishments, office bs at this job since I have started. I KNOW they have my back and are there to help and I feel awful that I can't just accept that hey, I found a place that I don't feel the need to call out of ever. I am engaged, on my feet, loving what I do.
I think writing this out (after reading so many stories in this thread) helped, but I would definitely like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience after over a decade of feeling hopeless.
TL;DR: I finally have a job I love with almost zero issues but feel I am letting old “trauma” from past jobs create anxiety that is not needed. (“The war is over.”)