Loan one: 8 years.
Loan two: 4 years.
Like some cruel Shawshank offender, I'm going to be 37 by the time I work off these debts.. thirty-fucking-seven… My life half over and I'll just be beginning to receive all of it monetarily.
During that time, I have debit interest so in reality I only pay back $50 a month. I can easily shift my investments and such to try and put me ahead, but then I'll have nothing for retirement. Nothing for joy. Nothing for when I get injured or sick.
I made such big mistakes, believing that I could make a difference studying law and psychology, putting myself into this debt, on top of getting into deeper debt with my car. Rent, food, gas, and other obligations, I am barely staying above water, I realised. I can't go out. I can't spend time on my hobbies like writing and sketching and animating. I have to work.
And work.
And work.
I'm not around people who want to make their dreams a reality. They bemoan their status but are not willing to take their lives into their own hands and rise up. I still have ambition to create and monetise my skills, but I'm too tired from exhaustion.
I realise (maybe with a touch here and there of entitlement) that I am underpaid with the qualifications and skills and work ethic that I have. I think I deserve something more livable. SOmething I can actually put some aside and invest and grow while I do. I want a promotion but none of the people who's duties I want to take will pass on their jobs or train me. I'm 25 performing duties next to 17-18 year olds. It's beginning to get demeaning and long-form torture. I am getting fed up with everyone and just want to be happy; never checking my bank account again before I make a purchase.
Turns out, I'm just another sheep. Nothing special. Just trying to find greener pastures for someone else to come along and shear me clean of all my hardwork..
I'm going to die in debt. I'm one OF a billion. Maybe two. Maybe eight. n