I just left work fifteen minutes early for the first time. I felt so overwhelmed I just had to leave. I work at the big orange store as a sales associate.
So for some context… I'm disabled. I have a large disc herniation in my lumbar resulting in a badly pinched sacral nerve. This is only one of the injuries I have that cause me chronic pain. I'm also on the autism spectrum.
Today at work I was sitting on one of those orange buckets (turned upside down) in my main aisle to rest my back while keeping an eye out for customers in need of assistance. While I sit I sometimes browse my phone idly or play a puzzle (minesweeper) just to keep me focused and not terribly bored. The way I see it I'm either sitting doing nothing while I rest my back or I'm sitting doing a puzzle while I rest my back. Anytime a customer walks by I make sure to greet them and ask if they need help. If they do I immediately put my phone away and help them.
So one of the floor managers “Manager A” (who got on my case just yesterday about having the hood of my hoodie up because it's cold and my aisle is directly in front of the doors…) basically sneaks up and scolds me for being on my phone and for sitting on a bucket (which many other associates do). So I'm like, okay, I get the “no playing on your phone” thing but I was kind of shocked she was getting on my case about sitting.
I made her aware of my medical condition and that I've already sent my medical records to HR. She told me it's not appropriate to be sitting on a bucket while at work. In response I asked where I could sit if not on a bucket and she replied telling me she didn't know referred me to Manager B.
I went to Manager B in her office and she told me she doesn't have the ability to address accommodations and that I should speak to Supervisor C. So I go to look for this other person but only find Manager A again. I relay my interaction with Manager B to her and we start going back and forth with me telling her if I need to sit I'm going to sit because I'm in pain and her telling me I need to get “permission/approval” from HR if I want to sit during my shift. As she's writing down the number to call I start getting overwhelmed by the entire situation and walk out of the store to avoid saying something I'll regret because I can feel my throat tightening and tears start welling in my eyes. I know what is happening and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's completely out of my control at this point. Anxiety attacks feel so fucking helpless because I'm not sad but I can't stop crying and I can't even choke out a word in this state. All I can do is take deep slow breaths and remind myself I'm okay and it will pass. I drink some water, focus on my breathing, and try not to let my spiraling mind take over.
I decided I'm not dealing with this bullshit right now and I clock out early and walk a mile home (I don't drive).
I tried so hard to be assertive yet calm and respectful and I feel that I handled it better than I used to years ago. I've come a long way. Still, I'm not feeling too great right now. It's over but my mind keeps replaying it like it always does- trying to analyze everything that happened and determine where I went wrong.
I definely feel better after typing this out though. If you read this far I appreciate you.
As far as I'm concerned all I need to do is make them aware of my disability and provide proof (both of which I have done). Now they're saying I need to jump through additional hoops and get “permission” just to SIT??
Am i being unreasonable here?? I didn't argue on the phone issue because she's not wrong about it being unprofessional. I simply don't see it as a hindrance to my duties as an employee but I won't die on that hill. I WILL however die on the “sitting” hill. I shouldn't have to do a song and dance or kiss someone's ass just to fucking sit when I'm in a ton of pain or even just tired. Why the fuck do they want their employees to be miserable?
sigh