Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I've been struggling for a while now with my corporate job in Marketing and it's now reaching a point where I can't give my best because my mental health is declining rapidly.
I graduated in June 2022 and immediately found this job, I know that I am very lucky to have found a job as a fresh grad, but this has been just the most toxic place possible. As a junior, I'm constantly pushed and pressured to give “more” and yelled at if I make any tiny mistake. This has led to me obsessing over every single thing i do and i can never relax because I'm scared i messed something up and didn't notice it.
During these six months in this agency, I have been assigned many sensitive big projects and not given a supervisor to watch over me. This has led to me making some mistakes that keep being used against me and me being extremely lost and stressed all the time. The last six months have completely changed the way I view myself, now I'm constantly doubting my skills and my intelligence. As a junior I already feel insecure about my lack of experience and having mean managers has made it so much worse.
I'm now so stressed out and full of doubts that I find myself not being able to manage projects properly. And this, of course, makes me terrified of getting fired.
My physical health has also declined rapidly, i find myself having heart cramps all the time as well as terrible back pain and trouble breathing. I feel so old for my age. I can't move or do anything without losing my breath. I just feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life to a dead-end job that doesn't give a shit about me.
I cant even take days off anytime soon because I'm the backup of so many colleagues that are on vacation. This alone makes me feel trapped and hopeless.
As I'm writing this, I am just absolutely terrified about tomorrow and how the work day will be. I know I will panic again and not do my job correctly because I'm so overwhelmed and I know I'll get shit on by someone again. I've been stuck in this loop for too long and I genuinely can't take it anymore.
Thank you for listening.