Picture having Michael Scott as your boss but without the charming intent behind his offensive behavior — that’s our supervisor. I am discussing with another team member how to deal with this problem because we just can’t take it anymore.
Here’s a list of all the incidents we’ve recorded since August to give you an idea of what I mean. You can’t make this shit up.
- Boss says the ‘N’ word when telling a story about how he almost got into a fight on the bus. He was repeating what one Black man yelled at another.
- Boss says ‘N’ word again two months later when he’s recounting the same story.
- When expressing his frustrations with a rental car company, Boss says “I can’t be mean like I used to as a manager… I used to make people absolutely miserable” when describing his treatment of one of the company’s employees. His tone was remorseful as if he missed those days.
- When expressing his frustrations about his current dentist changing their healthcare policy, Boss mentioned a dentist he used to have in Florida who he was not happy with. He goes on to say, “I’m not going to say his ethnicity … (pause) … (whispers) Vietnamese!”
- After a meeting, Boss, another manager and I discussed how to approach a co-worker about some workflow issues we’ve been experiencing. I suggested I should speak to this co-worker one-on-one to resolve the problem. Afterward, Boss says “I would’ve told him to shut the fuck up the old-fashioned way.”
- During a team meeting I was leading, Boss scolded, yelled at and belittled me when I was confused about conflicting information given to me for an assignment. Boss said the correct number I needed was six, but another manager sent me info that said it was five. I brought my concern to Boss who says “You aren’t listening to me, I told you there are six so there are six!” Then I replied “But this manager says…” Boss then throws up his hands and walks off. A team member and I do some research and find that the correct number is in fact six. I then moved on with the meeting without Boss. When he returns, he silently stares at me when I ask him his thoughts on our discussion. I awkwardly move on, he then interrupts me several times by initiating side conversations with another team member. After the meeting, Boss makes several comments referring to the earlier conflict about the numbers. To the final comment while looking at my computer, I say, “I didn’t know which one was right! I was just trying to find out!” Boss says “Turn around, look at me in the eyes,” so I turn around. He raises his voice and says “You can’t do this, when I tell you something, you have to do it. If you have conflicting information, you come to me. Okay?” I swallow my pride, nod and say “Okay.” This incident happened in front of our whole team.
- Boss verbally abuses my co-worker over the phone about a project she’s working on to the point where she calls me sobbing. He yells at her that he overestimated her abilities and he never should have given her the project in the first place.
- I noticed a scrape on my co-worker’s shin and ask her what happened. She said she fell. Boss butts in and asks “Are you a cutter?”
- There was a skin color discrepancy in an illustration we used to represent someone we featured in a report. I believed her skin was too light for what she actually looks like. Darkening it would be a quick fix. Boss said skin color shouldn’t matter, that I’m too fixated on it, and that it must not be important because I didn’t notice it after days of working on the report. Boss tells me to let it go, so I shut up and we continue our review of the report. A few seconds later, Boss says “hold on” then raises his voice and claims I making this about myself, that I’m only fighting for what’s important to me. He asks me “Are you a team player or not?” I say “I want to be a team player. I didn’t mean it to come out that way, but I am actually doing it for this person and the people seeing this report. I was ready to move on.” I turned around and continued my review.
- Female co-worker wore a black shirt with white stripes to work. Looking over her shoulder while reviewing some of her work, Boss says, unprompted, “A lot of women don’t wear striped shirts because they aren’t slimming.”
- Boss makes an inappropriate comment to (a different) female co-worker. When talking about how she doesn’t like to wear her lanyard, she says “I don’t like wearing anything on my body.” Boss replies with “Well that just doesn’t sound right!”
- I forgot to take my medication one morning, which gave me dizziness, brain fog, and a headache. I asked Boss if I could use my lunch to commute home so I could take my medication, then work the rest of the day from home. He said “I mean, do I have a choice?” I replied “if you want me to be useful at all then I need to go home.” He then used his own medication as an example, saying his withdrawal symptoms don’t take effect until 5 days later. He asked me what medication I am taking and I told him. He then asks me why I forgot to take my medication. After being lectured about professionalism and responsibility in front of my co-workers, Boss finally let me leave. The next day, Boss asks me how I’m feeling, and I say “much better than yesterday, thank you.” Boss replies “well, I didn’t think you were that bad” then turned away, making me feel invalidated and ashamed of my disability.
We feel like our options are to:
- Take our case to HR
This is our company’s harassment policy: “Harassment, other than sexual, is verbal or physical conducts that denigrates or shows hostility to an employee because of gender, race, color, religion, age, national origin, disability, veteran’s status, sexual orientation, marital status or any basis prohibited by law when such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with any employee’s work performance, creating an intimidating hostile or offensive work environment, or otherwise adversely affecting an individual’s employment opportunities.
Harassment may include, but is not limited to, verbal abuse or ridicule, including slurs, epithets and stereotyping; offensive jokes or comments; threatening, intimidating, or hostile acts; and displaying or distributing offensive materials, writings, graffiti, or pictures.”
I do believe Boss is harassing us, but not because he’s targeting our race, age, gender, etc. so that’s why I wonder if HR will even take action if we go to them. He’s an egotistical, racist, sexist bully, but hasn’t been directly discriminatory toward me or my co-workers as outlined by the harassment policy.
This is also my first job with an HR department, so I don’t know if they will be more inclined to protect Boss or to help us.
What are the possible outcomes of going to HR with this? Do we have an actual case?
- Talk to my boss’ boss
My boss’ boss (I’ll call her BB for short) is awesome. She’s very kind yet firm with her leadership role, and extremely approachable. I would feel comfortable talking to her about this, but I'm not sure about her relationship with Boss. They seem somewhat close, they’re definitely not adversaries. So I’m leaning less toward this option because I don’t feel like it’s BB’s job to reprimand Boss, right? Isn’t that HR’s job? At the same time, I feel she could get through to him, and I’d like her to be aware of his behavior just so she can see who he really is, but maybe i’m just being petty.
- Talk to Boss directly
I am really dreading this option because we have NO idea how he will react. Sometimes he’s very understanding, sometimes he flies off the handle for the smallest thing. We’re always walking on eggshells around him. He has one of those sociopath faces where he’ll just sit there and stare at you, expressionless and in silence, just to pull a power move and make you uncomfortable. My co-worker and I would do it together along with our Boss’ right-hand man (RHM) who is honestly the sweetest, but he’s worked with Boss for like 14 years at a place before this one, so they have a seemingly good relationship. RHM is aware of the incident where Boss harassed my co-worker over the phone, but nothing else.
If this is the best option, how do we present our grievances? Is his behavior at the point where we should definitely go to HR instead of trying to talk to him first?
I am afraid of retribution from my Boss, especially after HR were to talk to him. I don’t want this to get worse, and by doing something about it I am initiating a conflict that will have unpredictable consequences. I don’t want to lose my job. I love my job and the people I work with. The only part I don’t enjoy is my boss. My co-worker and I are hoping to get him fired, that’s how bad it is.
What should we do?
TLDR; Boss is an egotistical bully prone to verbal harassment. What do I do about his behavior?