I work in mental health, specifically a tech at a crisis center where people stay for a few days after contemplating/attempting suicide. Essentially, I'm the person that hangs out with people all day and tries to make things feel a little less hopeless. Heavy stuff to deal with but I love it. I've dealt with my own mental health battles and it's really rewarding to lift people out of a spiraling hole of depression. Because the nature of this work, you'd expect management to be very patient focused and also care about the mental health of staff. Wrong.
I work particularly well with teenagers due to me being young and having gone through my suicidal crisis at 17-19. I've gotten thank you notes from people and lots of artwork and coloring pages. I feel like I'm able to make a difference for people. I've been in a bad place lately, primarily due to life and family stress, but I'm still able to help people and that puts my mind at ease. It makes me happy that I'm able to relate to these kids going through the hardest points in their lives so far.
A couple weeks ago, we had a teenager who said “you should be a counselor, every other counselor I've had has been really hard to relate to, but you're really easy.” That really made me happy since, through all the family stress and bullshit, it confirmed that I was still able to put good out into the world. I had a meeting with my manager that day, just a regular routine check in we do every 2-3 weeks. They know I've been in a bad place lately and asked how things were going. I told them what that teenager said to me and how rewarding it was. They did not react the way I was expecting.
I got told about countertransference which is where a therapist benefits from a client, and the client becomes a mini-therapist for the counselor. Now, this is an issue I have to be warry of, but to me, this wasn't me receiving therapy from someone, this was just a bit of encouragement.
The conversation eventually evolved into how I cross boundaries frequently by treating these people as people and friends. Boundary crossings are a big issue and I get the concern, but I'm not doing anything that would cross boundaries. I don't hug people, message them or keep tabs on them after they leave, ask for/give personal info, the closest thing I do to a boundary crossing is giving people a fistbump from time to time.
I got told how this has been an issue for a while, and even if it was, it was never mentioned to me before. I was made to feel that I'm messing things up and have been for a while because I treat people like people and not like patients. Due to this, I'm barred from working with teenagers for 1 month.
Given all the life and family stress, and now this, it caused me to snap. I broke down a little bit and told her how my life is crumbling. I also told her how worried I was about my mental health. My self harm urges came back, something I haven't felt in 4 years, and that scared the shit out of me. We were overstaffed that day, so I asked to leave early because I was in no place to help people and I needed to clear my head. I was told no. I couldn't go on a walk, go for a drive, listen to music, nothing. She said “I don't think it would be good for you to leave.” She then just spat numbers at me, “you know, the year before we opened, our county had 27 suicides, the year we did, we had 3.”
Don't get me wrong, that number is impressive and I'm happy I can take part in that, but it's definitely not what I needed to hear at that time. She told me to take a walk on my lunch break. I walked back to the staff room, checked in with my coworkers and took my lunch for the rest of the day. I went on about a 4 hour walk, and a couple coworkers checked in on me, my boss didn't call me to wonder where I was. Hopefully she realized that I needed it.
I'm torn. I love this job. I love working with people and talking them through dark times. And this setting in particular I like a lot. I essentially hang out with people all day, play games, listen to music, and do a couple therapeutic groups with them. But this work environment is toxic. Everyone shares the same sentiment that our boss only cares about having high numbers and doesn't care at all about actual client care.
I love this job, but management is killing me. I've tried to look for other jobs in this field, but I don't have a degree. To be a tech, you just need a high school diploma. Most other jobs in mental health require a degree, for good reason. Any advice on what to do or where to go would be much appreciated.
Edit: Also, if I'm in the wrong, please let me know. Along with advice on how to change my behavior.