[VENT]
CW, mental health, mentions of s3lf h4rm, mild language
For context I'm 18 and I work as a server at an Applebee's. I live with my parents and they've said they'll kick me out if I don't have a job or an in school (school isn't working for me right now, so job it is.)
I've struggled with mental health my entire life and self-harm since I was 13 (not promoting btw). I haven't SHed in 3-ish years and rarely struggle with thoughts involving it.
I have to deal with fucking morons at work who apparently don't know how to do shit efficiently. I try not to let my emotions show, but occasionally I'll catch myself shaking from anger.
I got in my car the other night after being told I could leave early (I didn't want to and I wasn't asked if I wanted to) and immediately broke down. Half of the people I work with talk to me like I'm some piece-of-shit inferior with zero capability. I couldn't tell if I was crying from anger or from simply hating my circumstances.
I wanted to get a job to save up some money and build credit and this is where I ended up; making two dollars an hour and considering relapsing. I only just got this job and it's not like I can quit immediately. I have to walk on eggshells now too because my anger issues could get me fired.
Call me lazy, but I hate this job. I hate the way this job makes me feel. I wish I could go for nice walks and eat picnics outside and draw like I used to. But I need money to survive, I guess. I just want to go home.