In trying to keep this as brief as possible, had to exit my previous role due to financial constraints of the company. “You'll get a job easily”. This was January. Come close on more than a few, to the point where they seemed a lock. Then something would fuck it up. Whether it was a rogue board member, a lowball in the wage, assumptions made that I would be bored, etc.
I know getting jobs can be/is hard. Especially when my degree very much pigeon holes me in the minds of those who look at my CV. Outside of interviewing for roles in that field (which I have left) I have always struggled to break through. And this could be me encapsulating Dunning Kruger, but those around me are constantly affirming that I would be a “value add” especially after founding a start up from scratch (that is still running but was what I had to step aside from, employment wise). It was the true 'anti-work' as I loved what I was doing.
Net result though is I am now coming to terms with the prospect that in spite of 'all the skills' those in my support circle claim I have, I am looking at stacking shelves for some income. Which is universe away from where I thought I was at. Where others think I am at. Or where I want to be at (which the greatest of respect to those essential workers who mean there is food for us to buy).
I look at that. How the years of upskilling are simply not cutting through. No matter what those around me say, employers don't see the 'value'. It then puts the rest of my life in stark contrast. I'm about to enter my 40s. Live in share accom. Have no chance still of buying a house. And if I take a job paying minimum wage I'm going to end up with a retirement plan that is going to be suicide. So thinking I just cut to the case. End this deep self loathing and find some peace.
I cannot speak to my friends about this. It's unfair to unload on my aging mother. I hate the fact that it's taken a work situation to come to this conclusion (how good is capitalism) but the bottom line is I really just do not want to do 'life' any more. Has anyone had mates experience this/they themselves?