so i have borderline personality disorder, and it makes it really hard for me to have any motivation. on top of that, i’m a leftist and am all too familiar with the oppressive and coercive nature of capitalism. any motivation i had to work before i was radicalized has been obliterated. there is nothing on this planet that makes me more miserable than working. every morning i wake up and really hope that the building i work in has burned down or been struck by lightning. and then i try to come up with excuses not to work, and sometimes i even put my physical health on the line so that i have an excuse not to work. the necessity for money does not motivate me whatsoever. it doesn’t seem worth it to make as little money as i do when i am so miserable at my job. up until recently, i wore a mask everywhere because i didn’t want to catch covid. but at this point i don’t wear a mask anymore because i would rather become sick with covid and have to stay home than go to work. sometimes i eat things that make me feel sick so i can have an excuse not to go to work. technically, it’s possible to go on disability for borderline personality disorder, but it’s highly unlikely the government would actually approve my request for disability, especially since it’s hard to get on disability even with a physical disability. i feel like i’m trapped in a burning building and i don’t know what to do. does anyone else feel this way???