I don't know where else to go. This person has made me paranoid. I just quit my job working as a PA for a therapist. I worked for her for 6 months under the table. I was a client, in a deep episode from bipolar depression and recent triggering events, just left my last job etc and struggling with school. She offered me a summer job two sessions in. I was never mentally stable, but my mania helped in trying to be the best PA. I was her loyal puppy even though I didn't like or agree with 95% of the things she did.
She began to show her true colors as the months went by, and I thought she truly cared about my mental health issues and loved me like a mother. She gave me xanax, Lamictal, abilafy, trazadone, and other drugs without prescriptions. I took all of these and let her play god with me because I trusted her and because she was a “nurse before becoming a therapist”. I trusted her judgment because she was a “professional”. I became unstable. Suicidal thoughts worsened. Severe mood swimgs. I didn't know what I was doing. I was suffering in silence. I couldn't get out of bed but I still was fearful of letting this person down who lifted me off my feet. I just wanted to impress her. I was having nightmares for months like this, she wanted to continue seeing me as a client and seemed to blame my emotions on not coming to session and not journaling. I'd express my concern for the side effects but every time I opened my mouth it always was the same “be grateful, life is full of blessings, don't focus on the negatives”. Then back to talking about work, money, and herself. I could see how fake she was. There was no room for my issues even though she pretended like it was important.
She finally broke me down at the end of October when we had our women's retreat for our women's group. She neglected my hard work and acted reckless with our rental van. The whole weekend she was being impulsive, disorganizing my schedule, and having no awareness to her actions. I had an anxiety attack one of the nights, one girl came out to help me, but by boss came out and demanded me back inside. I was a mess and it was embarrassing, I was whaling, couldn't breathe, and crying all while I had to follow a calming painting video full of a room of 9 women in silence. I wanted to die.
I came to her a few days after the trip. I wanted to talk about how she made me feel that weekend but she instead wanted to insist that client Cindy was awful during the trip, caused problems for everyone, and created a divide in the house, and that we needed to hold an intervention for her because her husband is going to leave her. I told her that speaking about Cindy's personal life made me uncomfortable, I don't want to know these things, and that it isn't the women's group's job to hold an intervention for someone they hardly know. Cindy is going to feel attacked, even though my boss was the one who coerced her into the group and taking certain actions that put Cindy in these positions. I wanted her to take accountability instead of blaming a mentally unstable client.
The next women's group meeting we had a debrief of the retreat and I expressed my feelings about the schedule and how I felt dissapointed. I cried and expressed how I almost wanted to quit because of my anxiety attack. My boss instead turned the situation back on me for not being flexible or able to “go with the flow”. She said, “I won't take all the blame because Alyssa did XYZ”…she then told the group that we had a fight and she went home “so fucking angry at me”. She couldn't go to sleep she was so mad that she wrote an angry letter at 2am and ripped it up. The way she said these words to me in front of the girls was nasty. I cried like a baby. She hurt me so badly, and here I was again looking like an unstable and crazy little child who can't control their emotions. I apologized to her refusely after the meeting, she told me to shake it off and we never have to speak of it again. I agreed, but something was boiling in me. The way she treated me that night revealed her mask and I was no longer under her spell.
A week after, I speak more with client Cindy from group because I am petsitting her dog. Cindy later reveals to me that my boss has given Cindy the same drugs without prescriptions, and they drove her into delirium. My boss and Cindy's husband put her in a mental institution earlier this year because it “would save their marriage”. Everything she said horrified me, but I knew it was true because we had similar stories and the way my boss spoke of Client Cindy and her husband was disgusting. My boss had ruined Cindy's life, and caused more trauma sending her away to an awful place that mistreated her. Cindy's story was hard to hear, and I knew my boss was capable of all of these things.
I quit a few days later in text because I was scared to see her in person, I knew she would manipulate me. I also made a group chat with my girls from women's group that I was no longer going to be working with my boss and that I was put in numerous uncomfortable/awkward situations. I thought these women cared enough about me to wonder why I was leaving but instead every text was sent to my boss to which she sent me a nasty angry message about me messing with her professional clients and business, making her look like a bad person etc. She then used my bipolar disorder against me saying I lost her thousands of dollars the week I couldn't get out of bed, eat, drink, or sleep. She sent me a manipulative picture of a company credit card with my name on it that she was about to give me. Disgusting because she knew I was struggling financially.
I'm tired. I'm messed up. I spoke to my father and he treated me like a pill addict and took all the medications she gave me after I assured him I stopped taking them. I'm failing classes, my bones hurt, and this women completely broke my heart and turned my only friends against me.
I want to report her. If she has done this to Cindy and I, there has to be more. She sends every client to a spine doctor to get medications for ADD,ADHD, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION ETC. Cindy was able to get methamphetamine from this spine doctor. This Dr also used to be my boss's client. Something is going on here. I think this person is evil, and she knew I was vulnerable and loyal. My eyes are wide open now. I need help on what to do next. I'm young and have no money, but now I no longer want to die because I need to see this person face consequences. That is my driving force. My family and Cindy believe me and that's all that matters.