Bare with me this may be long. On phone. (F29)
I’m in a weird place in my life. I work at a job that pays well but I am not passionate about. I feel like I should be appreciating what I have more but at the same time know that feeling is conditioned (thanks Marx and my Sociology degree).
Like many people in the world I did not take the conventional schooling route after graduating HS. I went through a lot. Lost some friends to death, repressed childhood trauma crept up, struggled with substances, things like that. Around 20 I finally started seeing my value, and at 22 I started to get my shit together.
At 22 my dad offered me a job as a technician to help build-up his company. Med devices. When I was younger I would help him here and there so the job was already familiar but with a LOT of learning.
Well, we ended up being successful in what we did and in 2 years needed to expand and become more legit. So we did.
My dads company merged with a few other $ people and men like him, and from there formed the company we are at now. 2 years after being established, the company was bought by a global, multi-billion dollar company.
I finally went back to school in 2018 and graduated in…. 2020 (all while working and commuting to school). Which meant that instead of spending my last semester networking, working events, and meeting my classmates, I was at home on zoom. This crushed me. I felt like my one opportunity to grow in my community was taken from me.
So I graduated and just … continued working at the job I’ve had for the last 5 years. And let me tell you.. I’m BURNT OUT. This job isn’t a normal job a college student would have. This is arduous mental work and constant problem-solving. When I was at uni, I thought about work. When I was at work, I was thinking about my uni. Now, I feel stuck.
I don’t know who I am and don’t know what I’m truly interested in. I haven’t had the time and don’t have the energy to make the time outside of work. I worked thru the ENTIRE pandemic. At the worst of the pandemic I thought, “be thankful you HAVE a job”. Here I am 2 years later. Exhausted. Curious about life. Don’t want to leave my dad hanging at the company without me (He is under contract for a few more years I think). And living in a home I love but probably couldn’t afford without this job.
I helped my dad bring his dream to fruition, and now I am tired..
I’m tired from life (I know I have depression) and it’s been getting harder to convince myself to get out of bed and go to work.