- ALWAYS be looking for a new job–don't let getting hired at a place make you stop your job search for something even better. Your company has no loyalty for you, why should you have loyalty for your company? You need to be loyal to yourself and your career goals, not their profit margins!
- Leave a job on Friday to start a new job on Monday. Tell them when you clock out that you will not be there next week. No two week's notice. If your company is not going to give you two week's notice when they desire to fire you, why do you owe them two week's notice when you leave?
- Your skills are the coin of the realm. You will be fired the second the company can find someone to do your job for $2 an hour less, why should you stay if you can find a place paying $2 an hour more??
- HR is not your friend. HR's prime job is to save the company's ass when illegal shit goes down. If that means squashing you and shoving you out the door, that is what they will do. If you assume HR has your back, HR will get behind your back and stick a knife in it. If you feel you need to go to HR due to the way the boss treats you or what is happening in the workplace, refer to Commandment Number One.
- Stop worrying about burning bridges at a company. Most companies will NOT give a “good” or “bad” reference to a new company; they will just confirm when you were working there. So, suck the boss's dick or burn the place down, it does not matter because HR will be providing the reference, and they were not around for either of those things. Plus, remember the 4th Commandment; HR will not risk a lawsuit by talking shit about you to a new employer.
- The SECOND you clock out, you are DONE with the place until you clock in again. You do not take phone calls from the boss, you do not answer texts or emails, you do not work off the clock. In fact, the best thing you can do is to give your company a burner phone number and email address and then make sure you never look at either. If your boss complains to you about that, remember the First Commandment.
- Be professional at your job, but perform your duties as required without doing anything extra. Nobody likes slackers, and you should not be one–simply because what you do at work is a reflection of YOUR work ethic, not the boss, or the company. Always remember doing a bunch of over the top work will NOT help you in the long run. Remember the 5th Commandment.
- Don't ever get emotionally involved with the job, the company or the co-workers. If things happen around you that make you mad, remember that they don't give a fuck about you and that cuts both ways–what is happening has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with how THEY run the business, so you cannot take that bullshit personally. Your co workers will survive without you (they certainly did before you were hired!), so you should not be worried about them either, especially if your boss tries to pull the “we need you to come in and help your team” bullshit. The corollary to this is that you do not talk shit about your boss, gossip about other workers, or try to stir up shit either–to do any of those things requires an emotional involvement with the place and frankly, emotional involvement in a job is just bullshit.
- Record EVERYTHING. Any correspondence with the bosses, anything said in the workplace, any corporate policies or posting, get it in email to yourself so that you have all the evidence you need when things turn south. An worker who keeps good records scares the everloving shit out of HR (4th Commandment) and you should be ready to use it if you are suddenly relieved of service.
- The day you leave a job is the happiest day of your life. Treat it as such. Think of all the poor bastards who have to get up and work at that shithole tomorrow. You are not one of them. You will find/have found something better and will be laughing about your job concerns later.