I understand the principles here and I read over all the faqs and things.. but I’m just confused as to like… how to survive? I dunno.. I’m super new here and just need some plain ol guidance.
I was working for a very big hospital since 2017.. I found myself sucked into the job so much and I had no boundaries at the time at all so I found myself SUPER overwhelmed and overworked, doing anything and everything anyone asked of me. Most of my days was me doing shit outside of my job description. I can see that now. I was so fed up that I eagerly applied for new positions within the hospital, and landed a very good one in cancer research. (Thankfully 6 of the surgeons I had worked with wrote me letters of recommendation for it, which made me feel really good because at least they all noticed how hard I was working all the time).
Well.. only about 3 months into my new work from home position, all of that exhaustion came crashing down on me. It was the first time in 2 years I had slowed down, and my body and mind was finally feeling the weight of it all. I left work suddenly on PTO and was able to get Short Term Disability going quickly for this mental breakdown I was going through. I was in constant treatment. I did attempt to go back last year in March.. but couldn’t “handle it” I guess.. I dunno.. and I had to leave again.
I’m still an employee, but they had to give my research position away since I would be out for so long. I’m still out currently, but finally got approved for Long Term Disability with my employer at the start of 2022.
I had a pretty good savings before all this.. but being out for most of 2021 with no income.. I find myself now in 30k+ of debt and my credit score is ruined from what it was before. I had to pay rent with my credit cards as a last resort.
And with my calculations now… if I go back as a part time worker.. it won’t be enough. Full time won’t even be enough to stay afloat and survive let alone begin to chip away at the debt.. everything is so expensive.. I’m nearing the limits on my cards.. I’m just not sure what to do..
And I have my pay rate locked in from the research position… which is almost 2x the minimum wage here.. so I’m almost bound to this hospital because if I leave for easier work that I CAN actually handle:.. I’ll be making WAY less.
I just don’t know what happened to me :/ I’m definitely an advocate now for taking time for yourself and making sure you’re okay.. (I ended up hospitalized for suicidal ideations 3 times)…. I’m just so scared that working will put me right back there in that awful place again with no control and no rest.
Wow way way longer than I wanted but.. yea that’s the story.
TLDR: Like.. how can I survive this world anymore. My 2x minimum wage isn’t even enough to pay rent food etc. and I feel I can only work part time now.